


Just Like Soulmates Should

by pushupindrag



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Wings, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 17:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6089221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushupindrag/pseuds/pushupindrag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes comes back from war with scarring and a missing wing, as well as hefty list of other problems. After settling down in a bookshop that once belonged to his mother, his life finally seems to start collecting itself back together. Missing a wing, he decides that he doesn't have a soulmate after all, until Steve Rogers comes walking into his life.</p>
<p>
  <i>“Do you need any hel-“ Words die in his throat as the voice comes around the corner of the bookshelf.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>The man that rounds the corner is stunning, and everything about him shines from his hair to the blue eyes behind his glasses. But what really stops Bucky in his tracks is the man’s wings. They looked like Bucky’s used to before the fall.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Like Soulmates Should

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a short meet-cute involving wings and soulmates, but then it took on a life of its own and now this has happened.
> 
> Warnings for panic attacks and discussion of panic attacks, as well as vomiting and what could be seen as self harm (in the form of pulling feathers out due to circumstances), also super brief mentions of torture.
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr [here](http://buckybdarnes.tumblr.com/) and cry with me about Bucky Barnes
> 
> Un'beted so if you find any mistakes please let me know :)

Afghanistan had left Bucky with one wing, bad scarring and an honourable discharge. His mother had left him with a small time bookshop lovingly names ‘Winifreds’ and the apartment above it. Bucky Barnes told himself he was content.

It had taken him two years to get to where he was. And in those two years he had renovated the entirety of the bookshop and got his PTSD mainly under control, leaving him with a home and a job that was working its way into being something he could be proud of. Even if he was nowhere near to becoming sociable or happy enough to open up properly to anyone but his therapist.

His wing was also a problem. Wing, singular. Wings were highly regarded in society as your wings were meant to match your soulmates. Which was why he had given up on finding his, and ignored the stares wherever he went. Luckily, his clientele was mainly of the older crowd and they looked past his lack of wing. But that didn’t mean he could himself. Bitterly, he let his wing rot and didn’t take care of it as he saw it as a burden, something that reminded him of the torture he went through. It wasn’t like he would need it anyway. He probably didn’t even have a soulmate at this point.

So he went about his days, and they drifted into weeks and months as he took care of his shop, making sure he had a well-kept stock of both new and old books which he was dedicated to as he felt it gave the place a bit of life. And he liked caring for his customers too, the old regulars who asked him about his day and bugged him about getting a coffee machine installed so that they could sit and have a proper gossip. Truth be told he was working on it, but he wanted to give them a surprise. He wasn’t the most sociable it had to be said, but he could possibly come to consider the old people as friends. They all had him howling with laughter regardless, they got up to way more trouble than he ever did. So he kept the place clean and his customers happy, letting the world drift around him.

Winifred’s was usually quiet, with the radio on gently in the background while Bucky tended to the shop. Which is why he’s startled from underneath the counter when the bell above the door chimes and is followed by a flurry of movement and loud laughter. Bucky doesn’t catch the customers face as they had ducked behind one of the many shelves before Bucky could get a glimpse of them.

Wing fluttering anxiously around his body, he straightens and rubs his head from where he’d banged it. Keeping quiet he listens to the conversation.

“Are you sure it was in here?” The voice asks but Bucky can’t hear the reply. “Alright, and what was it called?” There’s the distinct shuffle of books being moved around and Bucky grits his teeth. Instead of saying anything snappy, like he wants to, he puts on his best customer service smiles.

“Do you need any hel-“ Words die in his throat as the voice comes around the corner of the bookshelf.

The man that rounds the corner is stunning, and everything about him shines from his hair to the blue eyes behind his glasses. But what really stops Bucky in his tracks is the man’s wings. They looked like Bucky’s used to before the fall.

Glossy and gold, the black flecks underneath seemed to glitter as the tips just brushed the floor. Obviously well cared for, they started to flap as the man drops his phone to stare back at Bucky.

This couldn’t be happening, this wasn’t happening. What was Bucky going to do? Feeling himself start to hyperventilate, he swallows loudly. The music in the background seeming to start being deafening as his heart rate increases and his wing comes around to protect him. Backing up and away, his back thumps against the wall behind the counter.

“You-“ The man steps forward, and Bucky tries to take another step back. Finding that he can’t his vision starts to swim.

This wasn’t happening, it wasn’t going to happen it couldn’t.

“You!” The man repeats, but Bucky can’t really see anything past the blurred edges of his vision and feel the flapping around one half of his face. Suddenly, he has the urge to cover up the scarring peeking out from his long sleeved t-shirt appearing on his hands and creeping up his neck. It had been a few weeks since that had happened.

Senses overloading, and the nauseous feeling of panic welling up inside him he can barely get a reply out. Instead he can only watch as the man stops in his tracks before he feels himself falling, wing just about stopping him before he reaches the floor. But he blacks out before he remembers anything else.

Waking up all he sees is navy. Which, while oddly comforting, is quite startling as he bolts upright.

“What, get away from me!” He lashes out, fist not coming into contact with anything as the hands on his face leave.

“James, you’re in your bookshop. Nothing bad is going to happen to you.” The voice is kind and soothing, it was safe and warm so he opens his eyes, letting them adjust in the light.

When he’s fully conscious, he comes face to face with his favourite regular June. June used to be a pilot in the war, and she was the toughest broad Bucky had ever met.

“There you are sunshine, welcome back to the present.” She gets up, bones creaking, and Bucky rushes to help her into a chair.

“I’ll go and put the kettle on.” He pushes out past his closed lips and she nods, smiling.

“Make yourself an extra strong coffee James, and make me one too.”

“You up for caffeine today?”

“Not today, and I don’t think you are either.” He didn’t think she realised she was mothering him, but after his own mother had passed away Bucky didn’t mind. June was lovely.

“Right you are.” He nods, before ducking into the small kitchenette in the back room to make them both a drink.

The movements were comforting and familiar so he grounds himself with them, the sound of the kettle boiling keeping him in the present as he puts instant coffee and sugar into two mugs. Another thing about June was that both she and Bucky had a lot in common. And one of those things was how they took their coffee. The kettle boils so he pours out the water, leaving the spoon in the mugs as he takes them out. He brings out another chair for himself after setting down the drinks.

“I took the liberty of turning your sign around.” June sips at her coffee, grinning at the wince Bucky gives her. It was still scalding hot, he wasn’t sure how she could drink it.

“How did you find me?” He asks, shifting around on his seat while he focuses his attention onto her wings. They were swooping and calming, a deep navy colour that reached down to her knees.

“I was coming in anyway, had to stop a blonde man from calling an ambulance, I know how you hate hospitals.” They share a nod “He left a note, he didn’t think you would want him around when you woke up considering he was the reason you fainted.”

“Didn’t faint.” Bucky mumbles “I was very manly and just fell down.”

“Sure you did sunshine.” Sniggering, she holds a note out that Bucky takes and opens with slightly shaking hands.

_Hey, I don’t know who you are but you’re my soulmate. If our wings are anything to go by anyway. I’m Steve, I’m an illustrator and I was trying to find a birthday present for my friend. I would like to see you again, however I don’t want you to collapse again so I’ll leave my number if you want to get into contact.  
From Steve Rogers._

There was a number scrawled under the writing that Bucky lets his thumb shift over. Huh.

“Now, are you going to tell me what that was about?” Setting her mug down, June leans forward to rest her chin in her hand.

“I think that he was my soulmate. I panicked.” Hanging his head, Bucky blushes with embarrassment.

He didn’t think that it was a possibility though. He had left all thoughts of having a soulmate behind when he lost his wing.

“At least you didn’t throw up all over his shoes like I did when I met my husband god rest his soul!” June casts her eyes up to the ceiling before turning her gaze to Bucky. “Now, why don’t you tell me what caused such a reaction.”

“Well, because of my one wing.” It moves in recognition “I didn’t think I had a soulmate, and then because of my personality and all the bullshit I went through I didn’t think it would be fair to subject myself to somebody in my state.”

“Okay,” June stops him, jolting him out of the downward spiral he can feel himself start to fall into, just by talking about it “I’m calling bullshit on all of that. Your lack of wing means nothing, you matched then you matched. And you’re lovely sunshine, I won’t hear anything about it. And if you start going on about you looks wise then all I have to say is that you’re a handsome young man. And if he doesn’t appreciate your looks then he’s a bastard and you don’t want somebody like that as a soulmate anyway.”

“Thanks June” Smiling ruefully, Bucky takes a first sip of his coffee. “I appreciate the sentiment I really do. I just- I don’t know if I would be comfortable around somebody like that.”

“Well you could always try, and if he pushes you into something then you send him my way and I’ll show him what’s what.”

Chuckling quietly Bucky just shrugs.

“He left his number, his name is Steve.”

“He looked like a Steve. Are you wanting to call him? I know you’re no good on the phone. What is it you do now? Text or something.” She waves a wrinkled hand, causing Bucky to laugh out loud. And for the first time since he had woken back up his breathing eases.

“Yeah, texting. Which I should probably do right. Manners and all that.”

“At least those weren’t things beaten out of you in the army.”

“Nah, my ma raised me right.”

“So she did sunshine, are you going to text him now? I would really rather you do it with somebody present so you don’t cock it up.” The twinkle in her eye is enough for Bucky to get his phone out of his pocket, thumbing the number into the phone before pulling up a new message.

_Hi Steve, my name is Bucky Barnes. I’m the one who fainted. I’m sorry for my reaction, I just got a shock. I would be willing to see you again so we can discuss what will happen now.  
Thanks, Bucky._

Before he can think, he hits send. Throwing his phone down, he picks his drink back up and takes a gulp of it.

“I’ve done it, I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“Well I’ll be here for you sunshine. Good or bad.”

“Thanks June. Now how about you tell me about the book you read last week.”

“I will after he messages you back.” As if on cue, Bucky’s phone buzzes and June looks at Bucky expectantly over her glasses.

Picking his phone back up, Bucky hesitates before opening the reply. Better to get right into it, like ripping off a band aid.

_Hey Bucky, wow I didn’t think you would get in touch. I would love to come and see you so we can talk things out. When are you free? I have any time free considering I work for myself so it’s up to you.  
Yours, Steve._

“He says he’s free anytime to chat.” Bucky panics, looking over at June who just takes another mouthful of her drink.

“Well not today, considering you’re still jittery. How about in a couple of days, I can be here if you want me to be.” June really was Bucky’s favourite. She was the only one who broke through his unsociable exterior and proved he did have a soft side after all.

“I think maybe this time next week. That gives me enough time to prepare.”

“That’s a good idea James. How about I visit straight afterwards, just in case.”

“That’s a good idea. Thank you June.”

_Okay, how about this time next week?  
Bucky._

_That’s great, see you then :)  
Steve._

“Any time Sunshine. Now about this book, I think it’s probably one you’ve read before.”

“Go on.” He’s relaxed enough now that he can get into the conversation, and listening to June leaves him to calm down and distract himself from the next week.

The week leading up to the meeting Bucky is a jittering mass of nerves. His wing knocks things over, something that he was careful not to do, and his hands shook just at the thought of meeting Steve again.

But he had to do it, even if it was to decidedly turn Steve down. He didn’t want to put Steve through being in a relationship with him, so it would be easier to face the guy and say his piece before letting the blonde go about his life.

It was for the best.

That doesn’t stop Bucky vomiting with nerves the morning of the meeting though.

Tidying up as best he can, Bucky tries to steel himself for the meeting. The shop was closed for the day, but the lights were on and he assumed Steve would just knock on the door. Bucky really couldn’t deal with any customers today.

“Hello?” He’s in the back making a fourth cup of coffee when the bell above the door rings. “I know the sign says closed but it’s Steve.”

“Hi, yes hold on.” Taking a deep breath to fortify himself, Bucky leaves his drink to cautiously step into the main room of the shop.

Steve’s standing there, hunched over with his wings guarded around himself looking unsure and sheepish.

“Hi, we didn’t really get to meet properly did we?” For all his bashfulness, Steve’s smile is wide enough to brighten the room “I’m Steve and I guess we’re erm soulmates.” Bucky can do nothing but gasp a little, throat drying up as his words leave him.

“I- I don’t. Steve.” He growls in frustration, rolling his eyes up and closing them for a few seconds he takes a deep breath before turning to face Steve head on. “Hi, I’m Bucky and we may be soulmates but I don’t want you to get your hopes up because I don’t want you to subject yourself to me because of old time traditions that should mean nothing in this modern way of life. Also I would be a horrible soulmate so I’m sorry but I’m going to have to turn you down.”

Beating hard against his back, Bucky’s wing tries desperately to get him out of there in a last ditch attempt for him to get out of the situation. But of course it doesn’t work, so he’s stuck to the floor. Eyes now unable to close as he stares at the sorrow on Steve’s face.

“I’m sorry, I don’t really understand.” Faltering, Steve just continues to stare at Bucky who was now strongly regretting his tendency to word vomit in the face of stress.

“I wouldn’t be a good soulmate. And I wouldn’t want to make you unhappy so it’s better if we leave it and you can find somebody else.” Bucky shifts in place, bouncing on his toes.

“Bucky, you can’t believe that. We haven’t even given anything a try-“

“No, Steve. I’m a terrible person. I’m horrible and grouchy and unsociable and completely hideous. I only have one wing, and that can’t be a thing you look for in a soulmate. You seem really nice and I wouldn’t want you to be stuck with me. Now would you please go, I don’t want to drag this out.”

With a twist to his mouth, Steve straightens. His wings shift back to reveal his full height as he stares down at Bucky.

“I don’t believe that you actually think that of yourself. And if you do then you’re plain wrong but I’ll go.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” With a sigh Steve turns to go, and with one last look over his shoulder he leaves.

Bucky lets himself collapse onto the chair behind the counter, drawing in deep breaths that barely let up the tight weight around his chest.

Waiting for June lets him start wallowing in his own pity. Honestly, how could he had just done that to poor, sweet Steve. Steve who had looked heartbroken in the face of Bucky’s rejection. Rejection that Bucky was now wholeheartedly regretting.

“You alright sunshine?” Snapping, Bucky looks up to see June who just sigs and muscles her way into the back room. “No more coffee today James, but I’m thinking you have chamomile tea?”

Bucky hears the kettle going and does everything in his power not to get up and just latch onto June’s cardigan sleeve like a child.

“June.”

“I’m coming I’m coming. Get me one of those comfy chairs.” Getting up slowly, waiting until his head stops spinning, Bucky goes to get one of the comfier chairs and sets it up behind the counter, facing his own stool. Then he goes to lock the door, turning the front lights of the shop out.

“Now before we do anything else, can I give you a hug James?” June always asked, whatever it was she would always ask. And that’s why Bucky was so fond of her.

“Yes please.” She was only a slight woman, but her hugs were warm and comforting as she hugged Bucky, frail arms coming around him while her wings surrounded them. They stay like that a few minutes, the old woman letting Bucky shake into her arms before they break away and take to their seats.

“If he’s not here then that means you turned him down.” She doesn’t try to sugar coat it, and her tone sounds disappointed. “I’m hoping it wasn’t to do with your insecurities.”

“It was everything to do with my insecurities.” Bucky admits, avoiding looking in her eyes.

“Well then sunshine, I’m not sure where to go from here. Other than to ask if you think that that was the right choice?”

“No.” Simple question, even simpler answer. He was regretting saying no to Steve Rogers. But it was for the best. “It’s for the best though.”

“I don’t think it is sunshine. I just think you don’t think you deserve happiness.”

“That isn’t true.” It was, he sometimes forgot that June knew him better than anyone else. She was sharp as a tack was June.

“Yes it damn well is. But I’m not going to sit here and waste my breath.” She stares him down, letting him sit in the quiet of the store for a second. “I just want happiness for you sunshine.”

 Shrugging, Bucky just shifts in his chair.

“Well there’s nothing we can do now.”

The next day Bucky opens the shop bright and early, going about the usual early morning routine of rearranging the books in between helping customers. Today was a little different though, as when he sat down his attention automatically focused on his wing instead of whatever he would usually distract himself with.

Instead of messing around on his phone, he starts picking at his wing, bringing it around himself so he can start plucking out the dead or broken feathers.

It turns out that there’s a lot. So he ends up looking a little like a scraggly chicken when he’s surprised an hour later.

Steve walks in, two coffees in hand with only the bell above the door as a warning, sounding far too happy for the situation.

“Morning Bucky, I brought you coffee.”

“Pardon?” Straightening, Bucky’s wing tugs itself behind Bucky, whether that was because of Bucky’s self-consciousness or the situation itself Bucky wasn’t sure.

“I brought you coffee, and a bagel. Also if you’re doing that to your wing you might want to use a comb, it’ll straighten up the unbroken ones while you comb through.”

“Again, pardon?” Shock must be written all over Bucky’s face as Steve sets down the two cups of coffee and a paper bag.

“Coffee, bagels, comb.” Smiling gently, as if not to spook a wild animal, Steve drags over a chair and sits opposite Bucky “I thought we could give this a go. And figuring out your coffee order may just be the way to go.”

“And what about the wing thing?” Slowly, Bucky picks up the coffee offered and takes the lid off.

“I used to shed a lot back when I was younger, and just ended up picking my wings raw. Combing helps.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Breathing was starting to get easier around Steve, and Bucky covered up the slight hitch by taking a sip of the coffee.

It was too bitter for a start. But for a first guess Steve had almost gotten it right.

Getting up, Bucky takes the black coffee into the little kitchenette and puts three spoonful’s of sugar in, trying to hide the fact from Steve. He wanted Steve to keep guessing.

“Almost right?” Calling in, Steve sounds hopeful. So Bucky makes himself smile on the way out and when he sits down again.

“Nearly.”

“Then I guess we’re already halfway there.” Smiling again, that smile that was slowly getting to Bucky, Steve slouches as he sits “I was thinking of maybe asking questions back and forth. To try and get to know each other I mean.”

“And what if I don’t want to answer?” Raising his eyebrows, Bucky can’t help but look Steve over properly. The man was still glowing, but he looked calm this time, more reserved. Which Bucky knew was entirely for his benefit. And Steve kept his wings behind his back at all time, which Bucky thought was kind.

“Then we can pass. This is about us getting comfortable with each other. Taking things slow. Possibly becoming friends.” Hopeful was the only word Bucky could come up with when looking at Steve’s face so he reluctantly nods.

“Okay, you go first.”

Gearing himself up for an onslaught of questions about his wing or scarring, Bucky is not prepared for what Steve asks.

“Who was that lady that shooed me away the other day? She seemed important to you.”

“Oh, June. That was June. She’s a regular customer slash sort of adopted grandmother. She was a pilot in the war and she’s lovely.”

“She cares for you?”

“Well, we care for each other I guess. She comes around here and makes sure I’m okay, and then I do the shopping for her and go round to hers if she ever needs me. She’s a good friend.”

“Must be.” Steve catches Bucky’s eyes and his own light up when they do. “Your turn.”

“What do you do for a living?”

“I’m an illustrator. I’m working on a series of children’s books at the moment it’s brilliant.”

“Are they out yet? We might stock them?” Perking up at the thought of the books, Bucky gets up to go over to the children’s section of the little shop.

“The Avengers series, there’s only a few out-“

“We have those! Some of the most requested we get. I had to order more in the other day.” Crouching down, Bucky takes one of the books off the shelf to flip through it. “Your art’s really good.”

Blushing, because how could Bucky miss the rose colour on Steve’s cheeks, Steve shrugs and wiggles in his seat.

“I’m okay I guess.”

“Shut up man you’re great.” Bucky was feeling more at ease by the minute.

Both men get startled when the bell above the door goes, but Bucky’s quick to change from reluctant recluse to happy shop worker as soon as he sees that the customer is a new one with a baby in the pram.

“Good morning, welcome to Winifred’s.” His smile is big and genuine, something that he found came naturally over time. Fake it till you make it and all that.  He could fake it well enough for customers anyhow.

“Hi, I was just browsing for the moment.” The mother looks a little harried as the kid starts to struggle out of the pram.

“Sure thing. If you want we have a kids section over there that the little one can have full reign over while you look elsewhere.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah just pick out a book.”

“Thank you.”

“No worries.” Smiling again, Bucky watches as the woman picks out an easy book with bright colours for the child to pore over while she pushes the buggy around.

Once they’re off around the shelves, Bucky breaths out a sigh of relief as his features drop.

“What?” Steve looks confused as hell, and a little in awe as he stares at Bucky, coffee half way to his mouth.

“How can you change that quickly?” His voice is low, even deeper than usual as it lowers in volume.

“It’s called being polite.” He’s about to take another sip of his coffee when there’s a crash, one that gets Bucky flinching backwards.

“Hey no stop, I’ll handle it.” Getting up, Steve’s around the shelves in an instant, leaving Bucky to return to the present. Hearing the muffled conversation reverberate through the shop.

“Everything alright ma’am?”

“Yes sorry, Tyler just pulled some books down when he tried to get out, his wings are coming through.”

“Ah not to worry, we thought one of you might have fallen. Here let me help.”

Bucky listens as books are being put back, and twitches at the thought of everything being put back wrong before he hears muttering.

“Shift that over one, I think it’s sorted by author.”

“You don’t work here?” The lady sounds surprised.

“Nah just a friend of the owners. Found anything you like?”

“Not really, I’m not much of a reader. Just needed to kill ten minutes. But Tyler likes the book he found don’t you Ty?” There’s gurgling, and the sound of kicking.

“Alright then little man, let me go get my friend to ring that up for you then it’s all yours.” The child laughs, giggling away to himself and Bucky hears Steve join in too, a soft chuckle that stays in Bucky’s chest. Was there anything about this man that wasn’t nice?

Opening the register, Bucky waits until Steve rounds the corner, handing him the slightly soggy book to scan and bag as the lady follows.

Once they’ve gone on their way, Steve sits back down.

“Thanks for that, and putting the books back right” Bucky offers, sitting down himself to finish off his coffee and take a bit of the bagel which seemed to be cream cheese and bacon. One of his favourites.

“No worries, you looked a little freaked out. And I can’t stand it if things aren’t in their proper order. Might stem from my mother, I don’t know.”

“I blame my PTSD, but thank you. And your mother?”

“She was a nurse, liked to keep things tidy.” Steve sounded a little wistful, and there was something behind his eyes that Bucky couldn’t place. He himself was flailing on the inside over his own comment, but it had just seemed to roll off Steve’s back. It was nice for someone not to make a big deal of things.

“Oh” They’re broken from their conversation by Steve’s phone buzzing in his pocket. “Hey Sam.”

Bucky watches as Steve speaks, taking the time to be a little creepy and look Steve over. The first thing he notices are the hearing aids, which then leads him to looking over Steve’s hair and down the man’s spine, noticing the muscles in his back showing through his t-shirt and past his wings. Steve’s wings really were well looked after, glossy and neat the gold was the brightest, offset by the black feather that appeared through the underside of the bottom feathers, seeming to outline the wings. Bucky’s had looked like that once, when he was in his teens they had been his pride and joy, looked after impeccably.

“Bucky I’ve gotta go. But I could be back tomorrow.” Snapping his eyes up to Steve’s face, Bucky blushes at being caught but he nods.

“Yeah okay.”

“Was I close with the bagel?”

“It’s actually one of my favourites. Not my absolute favourite, but one of them. How were you so close?”

“See it’s my favourite bagel. Maybe we have more in common than we think.”

“Maybe we do.” Smiling past his concerns, Bucky watches as Steve leaves again. Except this time, he’s smiling as he goes, waving before the door shuts and he’s practically speeding past the shop front window.

Steve was lovely, he really was. Which sort of solidified Bucky’s fears of ruining Steve’s life. And now he had questions, about Steve’s mother and the man’s hearing aids and shedding as a child. Bucky was caught between wanting to see Steve again, and never even thinking about Steve again.

Instead of letting the anxiety he feels overcome him, he goes to get a drink of tea and makes a mental note to go and dig out the comb for his wing once he gets upstairs.

Later that evening after closing up the shop, Bucky hunts high and low around his apartment, finally digging the comb out from under his bed in a dusty box along with some wing conditioner. Sighing to himself, he sits down and prepares himself for a long night as he starts to properly care for his wing for the first time since coming back.

It’s a tiring task, going through each feather with the comb until all of the broken or dead ones have been removed, and there’s a medium sized pile at his feet once he’s finished.

From there he takes the conditioner into the shower with him, washing through his wing and applying the conditioner before washing himself and his hair, only rinsing the serum out after a good ten minutes after the fifteen minute recommended time. His wings needed deep conditioning. He combs through the wings again with his fingers, making sure that there’s no residue left behind before cooling the water down for a few seconds to rinse through his wing again. Wings almost worked like hair in their care, meaning colder water made sure the feathers themselves wouldn’t break, as too hot water would warp and damage them over time. Hot water would also be harsh on the bald patches of his wing.

Drying himself was quick, shoving on a loose pair of boxers before generously applying a layer of cream to his scars, letting that sink in and dry as he gently dried his wing with another towel, another towel wrapped around his head to keep the drips from his hair off his skin.

It had been such a long time since he had properly taken care of himself, that he finds it odd how relaxing it actually is, massaging the cream into his skin, the cooling effects of the cream lovely on the tough scarring. And his wing felt lighter than it had in a long time. After dressing properly into sweats, leaving his torso bare, he dries his hair and pulls it up into a bun before going back to his wing.

Combing it through again, he can’t help but run his hands over the feathers. Revealing in how soft they feel.

Before going to bed he gets out his journal, the one his therapist thought would be good for him to write about his day and to document his thoughts and feelings in. He writes about Steve, thinking about the change in feelings from the first meeting which he had written down in all of its horrible detail. His feelings had gone from blind terror to hesitation and apprehensive curiosity. It was a start anyway.

He goes to bed that night feeling better than he had in a while.

The next morning wakes him up refreshed and ready for his therapist appointment, he wouldn’t be opening up the shop today.

He gets ready, packing up his paperwork and journal. As well as his phone and medication. Just in case they wanted to do another review.

Pocketing his keys after leaving the shop, he goes on his way. He would take the bus, given that the subway always lead to panic attacks. He knew his limits and wasn’t about to push them any time soon.

The office where he took his sessions wasn’t too far away. Just twenty minutes on the bus so he has enough time to grab a weak coffee from the machine in the building before he’s called in for his appointment. Leaving the dim lighting and grey walls of the waiting room to go into the well-lit and spacious office. The change was one that was gladly welcomed as he often thought the waiting room to be quite oppressive.

His therapist was a lovely woman names Doctor Hill. She was a small woman, but she radiated calmness, often wearing lighter colours offset by her smaller pale blue wings. She had really helped Bucky since he had been back.

“So Bucky, how have these past few weeks been for you?”

“I’ve had quite a few panic attacks.” He admits to her “Because I found my soulmate.”

“I know how you are with that concept. And how did that go?” She leans forward, stance open and Bucky takes that and runs with it. Explaining about how it happened he cringes at his reaction and his attempt at getting Steve to leave. His passing out and then yesterday morning.

“He sounds nice.”

“He is.”

“Do you want to go more into your initial reaction?”

“Not really.” It was embarrassing. He fainted, just because he was faced with his soulmate.

“Well how about you try.”

“I just. It was tough I guess. I’de talked myself out of having a soulmate. And because of my issues with my appearance and my wing I freaked out.”

“And are you addressing your issues with your scarring? I see you’ve started to address your wing.” Giving a pointed look to Bucky’s wing, looking glossy due to the previous grooming, Bucky preens slightly.

“I haven’t addressed my scarring. Just continued to apply the cream the doctor gave me. But yes, I acknowledged the troubles with my wings appearance yesterday as I started picking out all the gross bits.” He makes a face remembering how disgusting and dirty his wings had actually been.

“Then that’s good. A step in the right direction. It’s progress.”

“I guess.”

The session goes on for another three quarts of an hour, and Bucky leaves filled with exhaustion and shaking slightly. It was good though, talking things out and showing Doctor Hill his journal to explain his week and continue to slowly dig through his trauma after the accident.

Upon returning to his shop, he barely catches the note taped to the door.

Taking it down, he keeps a hold of it as he goes about the motions of relocking the shop once he’s inside. It was probably from the postman about a package.

He only opens it once he’s upstairs having dropped everything off.

_Hey Bucky, I came by today but you were closed. I managed to get a blueberry muffin, and a black coffee with sweetener. How close was I? Hope you’re okay.  
Steve._

Taking his phone out, Bucky hesitantly opens up a new message.

_To: Steve  
Not even close._

Locking his phone, he shuffles around. Throwing everything down on the couch, he goes a to bed for another three hours. He processed things better when he was asleep.

He wakes up on the floor, crying with his wing flapping madly behind him. Flashbacks of his nightmare behind his eyes. Except it wasn’t really a nightmare if it was just a replay of what had happened to him.

There had been a bomb scare, half of the empty building had been destroyed. But apparently somebody, a worried civilian, had run in to get something. Bucky went to check it out and get them back to safety. Which was when the second bomb had gone off, leaving him hanging onto the building, the floor crumbling beneath his feet until he fell into the flaming wreckage.

There’s only darkness until the pain flooded his limbs, the feeling of being unevenly weighted and a scream in his face. The torture that followed. The wing they had taken without anaesthetic. The pain coming back in waves. The vomit on his clothes. The burning. The needles. The eventual numbness that plagued him when they left him alone to rot in his tiny cell. Dirt covered walls and blood stained floors. Stitching that had gone infected, burns that had got infected and left untreated until he was rescued.

Apparently it was a rouge group of terrorists that had captured him. Hydra or some other shit. Doing wing experiments, leaving him uneven and hollow.

He woke up nearly every day screaming. But the days had gotten better. It was better in the day time, when he could see everything and be aware of his surroundings. It was easier to ground himself. But the nights? The nights were hell.

There’s a buzz, and he stumbles up to go and find his phone. Ignoring the sweat that covered his back and forehead.

_Steve: Maybe ill try again tomorrow huh?_

There’s a two hour gap  
_  
Steve: you ok?_

A half hour gap.

_Steve: bucky?_

Ten minutes.

_Steve: buck you okay?_

Seven minutes

_Steve: really please where are you?_

_Steve: seriously?_

Then there’s nothing until the one that had just come through.

_Steve: im at the shop again are you there?_

Bucky wakes up immediately, practically running around his apartment to shove on a t-shirt and run downstairs. He didn’t want to lie to Steve and say he wasn’t in. But he didn’t want Steve to see how bad he was either.

“Steve, you didn’t have to come over.” He must look as stressed as he feels because Steve takes one look at him and pales.

“Oh my gosh are you okay? Get inside come on.” It’s so familiar that Bucky just does it automatically. And he only recognises it as the motions that June goes through when Steve tuts at him.

“Steve-“

“Why are you at the shop? You look awful.”

“My apartment’s upstairs.”

“Then get up the stairs. Go on, I’ll put the kettle on.”

“Steve.”

“Look, I’m gonna take care of you okay.”

“You barely know me.”

“We’re soulmates. This is what we do. Now go.” Bucky just shakes his head but goes up. He really wasn’t in a position to argue. He’s herded upstairs and steered towards the couch.

“Do you want me to ring anybody to make you feel more comfortable?” Calling in from the kitchen where Bucky can hear him rattling around to try and find anything, Steve pokes his head through. “Maybe June?”

“Nah she’s visiting her friend today.”

“Well are you okay with me staying? Just until I know you’re fed and watered.” He flashes that disarming smile again and Bucky can’t help but nod. “Great. Now get settled, maybe get a blanket.”

Bucky grabs the one from the back of the couch and wraps it around himself. Waiting and trying to get his breathing under control until Steve comes back into the room, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch and handing him a cup of tea.

“Now what’s the matter?”

“Therapy appointment. I’m never great afterwards.” Bucky tries to shrug, but he’s still shaking from the nightmare. He doesn’t notice that Steve only half filled his mug so that tea doesn’t spill everywhere.

“Yeah I used to hate therapy.” Crossing his legs, Steve shifts so he’s leaning his back against the arm of the couch, hands in his lap as he looks at Bucky, large frame smaller than usual in the large sweater he’s wearing.

“My ma died a few years ago you see. And we were inseparable so of course I took is badly. Like anyone would. Sam made me go to therapy. I mean it helped, but it wasn’t great.”

“Your ma died?”

“Yeah, I’m better about it now, but at the time I thought I was going to die too. I still do sometimes.” Bucky can’t understand how Steve is so open with the information, he guarded his thoughts and feelings so closely he wasn’t sure he could really tell anyone other than Doctor Hill. June knew a lot. But not everything.

“I have to go because I was a soldier.” Bucky stutters out. A bit of information for a bit of information.

“Really?”

“And a p-prisoner of war.” Hiding, he felt like hiding. But it was unfair for Steve to lay everything out while he hid away.

“I was ill as a kid.” Steve must sense not to touch the subject. “I had everything. I still have the metal rod in my back from them correcting my scoliosis. I have asthma still, and if I get pneumonia again there will be hell to pay.” He chuckles, the one that stays in Bucky’s chest so Bucky looks up, meeting Steve’s eyes. “I’m blind as a bat as well as colour blind. And you’ve seen my hearing aids. Uh what else what else?” He’s started to tick things off on his fingers, as if he forgets. “My anaemia is kind of a thing. I’ve got to go to the gym regularly to keep up my muscle mass otherwise I would waste away honestly. My diet is super regiment to keep me healthy. I’ve got fatigue. Uhh. My family has a history of heart failure. Oh and my weak heart! I think that’s everything.” He smiles again, rocking a little from side to side. His wings were draped over the couch arm, fluttering gently, occasionally hitting him on the back of the head which he seemed used to.

“I have anxiety and PTSD. Depression.” Bucky offers, his own wing coming around to protect him at the confession.

“Oh your wing is looking better. Did you use a comb?” Another quick change of subject, Steve really was a tactful guy.

“And deep conditioner.”

“Oh it looks really good.”

“You have to say that.” Peeking around his wing he sees Steve still looking at him. One hand still on his ankle and the other around his mug.

“I would never lie to you Bucky. Drink your tea.”

Bucky does as they sit quietly. Slurping on their drinks occasionally. Bucky eventually stops shaking, finding that having the presence of somebody else there calms him immensely. Or maybe it’s just Steve. The man had a calming presence over Bucky. Maybe what they said about soulmates was true. That people found a certain type of calm and fullness to their life once their soulmate was found.

“Alright, I’m going to go if you’re feeling better.” Standing, cracking his knees which Bucky winces at much to Steve’s delight.

“Yes, thanks. You really didn’t have to come round.”

“We’re soulmates, and you’re nice. Once you stop being a grouchy shit.”

“Oh so we’re at the point of teasing now?” Bucky stands too, keeping the blanket around himself as he and Steve thump down the stairs. He had forgotten about his scarring, but now he was aware of it he really didn’t want Steve to see. Not yet.

“I think we are.”

“Alright then clumsy.” Steve trips down the last stair and glares.

“You tempted fate with that.”

“Sure sure. Now get out of here.”

“I’ll see you in a few days okay. Try and get your order right again.”

“If you want to try.”

“I’ll get there eventually. Have a good rest of your day Buck.”

“You too Steve.” Bucky waves him off, locking the door for the third time that day before going back upstairs, putting on some soup for himself. Maybe having a soulmate wasn’t so bad after all.

Bucky goes through his deep conditioning routine again before going to bed that night, safer in the knowledge that he and Steve might actually be compatible, and maybe he wouldn’t ruin everything.

Steve comes back to the shop once every couple of days for three weeks before Bucky has enough courage to ask him out on a date. Bucky decided that it was about time, considering how gentlemanly and honest Steve had been.

He never pushed Bucky, and even though Bucky hadn’t really opened up since his session two weeks beforehand about his past, Steve had. Bucky had found out how many times Steve had been in hospital, about how he met Sam and Natasha. And in turn Bucky revealed things about his current mundane situation. How he was going to put a small coffee bar into the shop and maybe there could be a dog in his future if he got his act together.

It takes him those three weeks to even think the plan through properly. And in the end he just blurts out the question.

On Steve’s most recent visit, he has Bucky’s coffee order perfect. But he’s still figuring out Bucky’s favourite breakfast food, and it’s only once Bucky has looked through the selection of fruits Steve’s brought that he plucks up enough gall to ask.

“How about tomorrow we go to the café down the road and I actually get my favourite breakfast so you can see.”

Steve’s silent for a moment, but then his wings start to what looks like vibrate and his smile breaks through his face, wide and bright.

“You asking me on a date?”

“Well yeah, I guess. I mean, if you don’t want to go on a date then that’s fine.” Bucky starts to mumble, taking the question the wrong way as he desperately tries to back track. Obviously Steve didn’t want to properly go out with him, maybe they were better off being friends. Soulmates could be friends. Steve probably didn’t want anything more that was fine.

“Of course I wat to go on a date with you. How does nine sound? Can you close up the shop?”

“For an hour or two, I’ll just have to tell the regulars.”

“Of course. When will I be meeting the infamous June?”

“Not before the first date Steve honestly, don’t you think you’re rushing into this?” Bucky teases, leaving on his elbows on the counter as Steve sniggers.

“You’re right. How silly of me.”

“So tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow it is. You gonna give me any hints about your favourite snack?”

“Wait.”

“Alright fine. Now I’ve got to go. Sam wants to propose a new idea to the publishing firm and apparently I’m needed.”

“Well yeah you’re the illustrator. And you’re going to kick ass.”

“Whatever. I’ve got to go. See you later Buck.” Steve leans in, just for a second before blinking and getting up, hurrying out the shop. Bucky doesn’t try to comprehend it.

He doesn’t have to wait long before the small group of afternoon regulars bustle in, taking their place on the chair he had set up by the window. There are only a couple of tables, and he had to completely re-home the mystery section. But it was worth the slightly cramped space if it meant the regulars could sit down and not have to worry about themselves.

Steve had helped him move everything on his day off.

_“Steve what are you doing?” Bucky questions. Staring as Steve started to unpack the boxes with the tables in. The comfy chairs were stacked in the doorway and Bucky was still pulling the plastic off his brand new coffee machine. It was one of those fancy ones with a press and steamer. He may have actually been a little bit in love._

_“Helping you unpack.”_

_“At least wait until I’ve moved the books oh my gosh.” Putting down his breakfast of a cereal bar, because apparently that morning Steve had ran out of ideas, Bucky goes over to help._

_They spend most of the morning hauling shelves around, moving things to sit sideways so the low shelf of mystery books can sit opposite the romance section. Making everything that little bit smaller._

_But it means that Steve and Bucky have enough room to get the tables built, having a break in between to call for pizza._

_“This has been great, even if the tables have been tricky.” Steve mutters through a mouthful of cheese._

_“Agreed.” Bucky smiles back before squinting, there was something shiny caught up in Steve’s wing so he leans forward to pluck it out. “Is that the missing screw we need?”_

_“Are you fucking kidding me?” Steve groans before ditching his pizza to go and finish the last table._

_“How did it even get in there?” Laughing in disbelief, Bucky goes to check his own wing, just in case._

_“I don’t even fucking know.”_

“Good afternoon everyone, can I interest anyone in a cup of coffee?” The look of delight on the group of four makes Bucky smile back equally as wide. “On the house of course.” He makes a point to show off the small bar behind the counter with a flourish, and the two women clap, the men whistling along.

“Finally my boy! I’ll have a latte.” Mr Johnson sits down first, getting comfortable as he and the other three gather around one of the tables.

“Make that two” His wife chimes in, rearranging her bag and wings to sit down.

“Three.” The other lady Mrs Green nods.

“And I’ll have a black coffee.” Finally, Mr Beck adds before they start chattering amongst themselves, taking out books to look as though they were in the shop for that reason while Bucky sets about making the drinks.

“So, June has been telling us about your gentleman caller.” Mrs Green pipes up once everyone had their drinks.

“June has a big mouth.” Bucky laughs, settling at his chair at the counter.

“Well there must be something.” Mr Johnson digs.

“We have a date tomorrow. We’re going for breakfast. Which means I’m going to be opening up a bit later than usual.” Bucky relents, rolling his eyes to try and hide him eagerness for the date the next morning.

“Good for you.” Mr Beck smiles before the four of them start gossiping amongst themselves, leaving Bucky to think about the upcoming day.

He gets to the café earlier than planned the next day. But he takes the time to get comfortable, ordering his usual coffee as well as pancakes. Because Steve really didn’t hit the mark with his breakfast. Settling down with one of the new releases sent to the shop, he waits for his order to come though and waits for Steve.

It’s his usual waitress that serves him, a young girl named Steph who always asked what he was reading and in return he would ask about her boyfriend.

Steph and her boyfriend weren’t soulmates, so they both often got a lot of flack from those who didn’t agree. Bucky personally thought it was bullshit, Steph and Adam loved each other just as fiercely as any soulmates would.  Just because their wings didn’t match didn’t mean that they should be shunned. So he made a point to ask her whenever he saw her, to give her a bit of security that there was someone out there that didn’t give a shit. Even if sometimes he could barely form the words properly.

“What are you doing here so early Bucky? Shouldn’t you be looking after the shop?” She pours his coffee, placing his pancakes down in front of him before leaning sideways slightly, arms crossed as she talks. It wasn’t busy, and her supervisor wouldn’t mind given that it was more of a home run place than a corporation.

“I have a date.” Unable to stop the smile on his face, Bucky practically buries his blush in his sleeve. Two weeks and Steve had turned him from an unbelieving cynic to somebody who would blush at the thought of their soulmate. Steve Rogers was a force of nature.

“That’s lovely Bucky. I’m glad. When are they gonna get here?”

“Around nine.”

“So in ten minutes I can see who’s managed to make you blush? I can’t wait for this.” She’s smiling at him so Bucky smiles back, laughing along.

“Sure, mock me it’s fine.”

“It’s sweet, now I’ll be over there. But don’t worry, I’ll come back to meet them.”

“Damn it.” She walks off laughing, going to see to other customers so Bucky settles again. He had got the seat in the corner, just so his back was covered and he could see the entire small floor. Just to make himself feel a little better.

It also gave him a perfectly good view of the door so he’s able to see Steve come in, flushed as if he had been running.

“Sorry I’m late, traffic was a nightmare. Hi.” Steve beams at Bucky, wings beating gently as he slides into the chair opposite Bucky. “Pancakes? Pancakes are your favourite breakfast food? How did I not guess?”

“You were pretty close with the popcorn you brought that one morning. But seriously who brings popcorn as breakfast food?”

“You said you liked popcorn!” His eyes wide, Steve sighs exasperatedly at him before flicking his eyes down to look Bucky over for a second. “You look nice.”

Bucky curls up a little, he had made an effort with the button up shirt he was wearing.

“Yeah, well you look sweaty.”

“I ran here asshole.”

“You really didn’t have to.” Feeling a little bad, Bucky looks for Steph so he can call her over.

“Nah I didn’t want to be late.”

“I would rather you be healthy and not wheeze to death okay. I’m gonna buy your breakfast to make up for it.”

“You don’t have to.” Steve mimics, but now he’s the one blushing.

“I want to. Hey Steph can I get a caramel latte and two blueberry muffins please?” Steph’s smiling slyly at the both of them.

“Sure thing Bucky. Hey there, you must be Bucky’s date.” Pocketing her notebook, she turns to Steve, grin still firmly in place.

“Hey, yeah I’m Steve.” Smiling back, he offers a hand which Steph takes.

“Hope you take care of him, he’s one of our best regulars.” Groaning, Bucky thumps his head against the table.

“Steph!”

“Just making sure you’re looked after properly. You tip well.” Winking at him, she laughs.

“I’ll try my best.” Shrugging Steve smiles right at Bucky, melting his insides a little before Steph goes off to get his order.

“I’m sorry about that. I guess we’ve got a little thing going on here.”

He hadn’t realised it, but he really had created a little community within his shop and the surrounding establishments. Here he was thinking that his nature was standoffish, when in fact he had been making friends with those around him. He wasn’t sure how they coped with him, but finding that, in the back of his mind he had grown to care for these people and they cared back bought him a strange sense of happiness.

“I think it’s great. Also I have something to ask you.” Staring at him, Bucky just nods. The question never really went well.

“Go on.”

“Would you able to stock Sam and I’s book when it’s published?” Mouth dropping open, Bucky breaks into a grin and wiggles a little in his seat, wing crashing into the seat beside him.

“The publisher agreed to put it through?”

“Yep, Sam’s just finishing it up before we give it to Natasha to edit and then I can illustrate. It goes into production in a few months. You happy to stock it?”

“Stock it promote it whatever! I’m so happy for you!” Laughing at his reaction, Steve leans back as Steph comes over with Steve’s drink.

“Here you boys are.”

“Thanks Steph.”

“No problem Steve.” Steve takes a sip of his drink, breaking into the muffin.

“I’m glad you will.”

“Of course I will! Sam’s writing is really good.”

“You flicked through the Avenger books?”

“I read the Avenger books back to back. For kids stories they’re really well written. It’s hard to find books aimed for our age about super heroes.”

“I’ll tell him you enjoyed them then.”

“And you’re art.”

“And my art.” Bashfully, Steve hides behind his drink.

“Don’t do that, come on now Steve. Your art is amazing! You’re super talented and I won’t hear otherwise.”

“Bucky-“

“No Steve. Your art is some of the best I’ve ever seen. Stop being so hard on yourself.” Gently tapping at Steve’s mug, Bucky gets it away from Steve’s face so he can look Steve in the eye. “You’ve gotta believe me.”

“Alright I believe you.”

“Good, now eat your muffin.” Bucky couldn’t believe how down on himself Steve was when it came to his art. Steve was incredible, it was just sad that he didn’t believe it.

“I get to plan the next date.” Steve says, waiting until Bucky nods to carry on “It’s going to be awesome. What sort of dates do you like?”

“I don’t know.” Shrugging, Bucky can feel his wing droop a little. Traitorous bastard. He didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve oh no, he wore his on his wing.

“Well what are things to avoid then?” Tactful as always. Bucky didn’t think that Steve could get more considerate.

“Busy places, super warm places, super dark places and stupidly loud noises.”

“Alright then, so how about next week. Do you get days off?”

“Normally Sundays occasionally.”

“Okay then, next Sunday.”

“It’s a second date.” They share a smile, one that they both tried to keep secret before they started finishing off their food.

Gesturing to Bucky’s book, Steve takes a large bite of his muffing “What are you reading?”

“Fucking gross you’re spraying food everywhere.” Scrunching up his nose Bucky sticks his tongue out “And it’s one June recommended and I haven’t read in absolute years.” Picking it up he shoves it at Steve.

“The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe?”

“Most books nowadays for our age either revolve war or romance and I really can’t be bothered with either. And I’ve already most of the classics until the binding fell apart. So, children’s books it is.”

“No I completely get that.” Steve’s nodding “And I like the nostalgia that comes with reading older books.”

“Same here.”

Finishing the last of his coffee, Bucky gets up to pay, leaving Steve to finish his muffin, wrapping the other in a napkin to take away.

“Thanks Steph.” He grins, handing over the money.

“No problem, you got yourself somebody nice there I hope you realise.”

“Yeah I do.”

“Good, now scram.” Handing over his change she winks and shoos him back towards Steve.

“Let me walk you back to the shop?”

“What the three doors down?”

“I’m trying to be a gentleman here Buck come on.”

“Fine, you can.” Wings perking up behind him, Steve straightens before they leave, holding the door for Bucky on the way out.

“Would it be okay if I held your hand?” Steve asks, sounding nervous as Bucky looks over at him “Only if you want to I mean.”

Cautiously, because Bucky still wasn’t the best with contact, he slips his hand into Steve’s. His scarred hand, because Steve had taken to sitting on his left, the one without a wing.

“You look as if you might scream, stop smiling so much” Bucky rolls his eyes, but his own wing is fluttering quickly behind his back, the equivalent of the large grin Steve was flashing his way.

“Shut up grouchy, come on. Hey who’s standing outside?” Bucky looks up away from Steve and pales.

“June? June what’s wrong?” Dropping Steve’s hand, he runs towards the woman who looked crippled by the door.

“Nothing sunshine, just need to sit down. Someone took my purse, it’s fine don’t worry.”

“You were mugged?” Seeing red, Bucky growls but opens the shop, ushering June down to sit in one of the chairs.

“What did they look like?” Steve was right behind them, face similar to Bucky’s.

“Oh, it’s fine don’t worry.”

“No, what did they look like?” Steve’s tense, practically pacing.

“Uh, young. Both wearing caps. Red and blue. With large hooded jackets on. Both fair. I would have gone after them myself but my legs aren’t up to that anymore.”

“Did you see which way they went?”

“Down the back alley.”

“I’ll be back.” And then he’s gone out the store, and Bucky sees him running past and speeding off.

“Oh Steve.” He mutters, before starting to fuss over June. “Are you okay June? I’ll make you a cup of tea now.” Rushing around, he practically scalds himself with the hot water. “Here.”

Handing over the tea he sits opposite, watching the old woman’s hands as a tremor runs through them for a second before she stops, bringing the cup to her lips to drink. Watching, because now he was on high alert, remnant of his army days, he wishes he could lock the shop up tight and hurry June into the back where there weren’t any windows so she could stay safe.

He wasn’t as paranoid as to think those boys had been sent by somebody to shake June up in order to get to him. In the beginning probably. But not now. Instead he was just angry. How could anyone attack June? How could anyone attack anyone? Especially an old person. And just for a purse.

“James, stop it.” He hadn’t realised he was practically tearing at his wing, the edge curved into his hand as he picked at the feathers.

“Oh, sorry. Are you okay June?”

“Just shaken up.” She puts her tea down, folding her hand in her lap as her wings fluff up. “I’m honestly fine James.”

“If you say so.” He snorts, and he can tell she’s going to shout at him for his insolence before Steve comes back in, dragging two boys behind him. Both looking ready to shit themselves.

They’re barely teenagers, and they both look resigned and a little bit scared.

“Here’s your purse June.” Triumphantly, Steve hands the bag over before pushing both of the boys roughly “Now what do you boys say to the lady?”

“We’re sorry ma’am.” The smaller one mutters, cowering away from Steve after Steve lets go of their shirt collars.

“Yeah we really are please don’t press charges.”

“She should do a lot more than that you little shits,” Bucky surges up, seeing red and growling at the boys who try to back away, Steve blocking them. Ignoring their wings which were flapping in his face. “Why the fuck would you steal somebody’s purse? Somebody who could obviously not defend themselves in that situation!” He’s right up in their faces, and they’re a trembling mess.

“Bucky” The voice is gentle, one that brings him right back to the present. And what he finds he doesn’t like. One of the boys is crying, both with their shirts fisted in Bucky’s hands. Letting go he stumbles back. He knew how terrifying he could get when he got into that state.

“Just get the fuck out. But if I ever find that you’ve harassed anyone ever again I’ll come and find you. You got that?” He snarls, motioning for Steve so that they can turn tail and run out the shop.

“Buck, sit down now.” The gentle voice is back, and Bucky looks up to see that it’s Steve speaking.

“Sit down sunshine come on.” Junes pipes up from her seat so Bucky complies, shaking a little from the rage and realisation that he could reach that state again.

A state that advanced him quickly through the ranks. He didn’t like that state.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Both of you.” He can practically feel the fear in his eyes as he stares up at Steve. His wing was drooping, not even coming up to protect him from the awkward and judging stare he was sure to get.

Dropping down, Steve kneels at his feet.

“Buck, it’s fine. You’re okay. June’s okay. Everything is fine.” He shuffles a little closer, placing a hand on Bucky’s knee to stop it shaking. “Come on sweetheart it’s fine.” The name goes over his head, instead he goes back to looking at June.

“Are you okay June? Is the tea okay? Do you need anything?” Going to stand Steve stops him.

“I’m going to get you a drink. Both of you need to just sit down for a minute and relax.” Cracking his knees again, he smiles at the way Bucky winces, the smug bastard, before going to get a drink.

Resting her elbows on her knees, June lets out a breath. Bucky’s wings had stopped shivering, and were now beating gently behind him. The actions soothing. June catches his eye and smiles.

“What the fuck happened there sunshine?” The curse isn’t one she usually favours so it sparks a surprised laugh from Bucky.

“I got angry, couldn’t help it. Just needed to know you were safe.”

“Glad to see you care James.” She pulls back slightly “Now may I ask why you’re here too Steve.” She knew full well, Bucky had been keeping her up to date.

“Well, we were on a date.” Steve sounded proud, and his voice had a hint of smugness to it as he sat down next to Bucky, passing over an extremely sweet cup of tea with one of his own. “The sugars for the shock.”

“Ah, and do you care to tell me how you found those two boys?”

“They were in the shop around the corner trying to buy cigarettes. I made sure they hadn’t spent any of your money before grabbing them and bringing them here.”

“I think both of you did a very good job in scaring them half to death.”

“It’s my job.” Bucky says without thinking, then bites his tongue so hard it bleeds.

His therapist knew. The army knew. Hydra obviously knew. All about those side missions he took on when he got told to. The scare and kill missions. The ones most suited to his skills. It was never anyone innocent, he’d questioned enough orders enough times to make sure of that. Nobody else knew though. And he certainly didn’t want June and Steve knowing. He didn’t want them knowing that some of his nightmares contained the scared faces of those he was forced to shoot point blank.

“Your job is to make sure you have enough books and coffee for us oldies who wander in every day.” June snorts “But I do appreciate what you did. Thank you boys.”

She gets a resounding “Your welcome but it was no problem, I’de happily do it again” From Steve while Bucky just shrugs at her. She knew how he took thanks and it was never really well.

Leaving him be, June turns her attention to Steve.

“Now, I don’t think we’ve ever met properly have we. I’m June, Bucky’s friend.”

“I’m Steve, we’re dating.” Steve sounds so damn happy Bucky can’t even let himself say anything.

“Oh dating now is it?”

“As of this morning.”

“Well I never, Bucky talks a lot about you but he never mentioned dating.” Tone turning sly and cheeky, Bucky can tell that letting Steve and June meet would not be good for his health.

“Well it’s relatively new. Although I’ve been trying to ask him out for two weeks.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Never the right time, and Bucky’s worth waiting for.”

“I like you Steve, now you want me to tell you about all the embarrassing things Bucky does?”

“Do indulge me.” Bucky just groans and tilts his head back, slouching in the chair to start messing around with his wing. This was going to be a long morning.

The morning doesn’t stop there. Apparently Steve had text Sam and Natasha at some point, who both turn up with a bottle of wine each and a box that smelt delicious.

“Hi, we’re Sam and Nat. Steve’s friends.” Sam doesn’t even wait before he’s shaking Bucky’s hand and handing over the box. “You must be Bucky; we’ve been told all about you.”

“Oh uh, hi.” Bucky waves at Sam, a little startled before doing the same to the red head behind him who was currently hugging Steve.

“He told us you’d sell our new book!” She grins, before plonking herself down next to June.

“This is June, one of our regulars.” Bucky introduces, a little offhandedly because he had been blindsided.

“Yeah Steve explained what happened, are you okay?” Sam starts fussing, which Bucky approved of.

“I am fine.” June ruffles her feathers and sits up straight. “Honestly, all of you.”

“Well don’t get mugged next time then.” Bucky barely stops himself from snapping, there were two people in here he wasn’t familiar with who weren’t customers and were currently making themselves very at home at the tables.

He wasn’t comfortable. This wasn’t right, not when he’d just practically scared both June and Steve half to death with his soldier black out moment back there.

“Steve, could you watch the shop for a minute? I think the sign says open unless you wanna close up. I’m just gonna go upstairs for a sec.” He tries to smile, but it’s queasy and he had to run up the stairs and slam his door shut before he’d stumbling to the bathroom to hurl into the toilet.

It was all fine until Steve sprung his friends on him. He could have lasted the morning until he took June home and Steve had to leave until he had this freak out. But the overly friendly strangers had made that impossible. Throwing up again, he really regrets getting pancakes as the taste of them mixed with bile stains the back of his throat. Flushing the toilet, he stays where he is kneeled next to the porcelain, his stomach till churning.

There’s vomit on his shirt so he strips, standing on wobbly legs to crash against the sink, running the water and splashing his face. Instead of getting a glass he just opens his mouth under the running tap before splashing his face again.

“Fuck.”

Staggering, he goes back into the small apartment to only groan at the sight. His wing had ruined his hallway in his mad dash trying to eject his stomach content, and had taken some of the pictures of the walls and cleared an entire shelf of books. Clean up would have to happen later.

Instead, he goes to get another drink of water, grabbing a plain biscuit to settle his stomach too before falling onto his couch, wing covering him and draping across his face.

“Fuck.” Repeating himself.

“Bucky?” There’s a knock at the door, that gentle voice again. “Bucky it’s me Steve, can I come in?”

Grunting, loud enough for Steve to hear, Steve opens the front door. Shutting it quietly behind him he makes a little sad noise at the sight of Bucky lying face first on the couch.

“Oh Bucky I’m sorry.” Grunting again, Bucky’s wing just jerks in response. He curls around himself, shielded and comforted by his wing. He couldn’t face Steve.

There’s silence. Then Bucky can hear Steve sit down by the couch, thumping down right next to Bucky’s head.

“Go away” He mutters, feeling like a petulant child. But at least his voice was working.

“Bucky I really am sorry; I text the both of them before leaving the café I should have told you. Do you need anything?” Bucky shakes his head violently, causing his head to spin which then sets his stomach off again.

Practically pushing Steve over, Bucky runs back to the toilet, throwing up the few gulps of water he had had.

“Hey Bucky.” There’s a hand between his shoulder blades, right between his wing and the ghost of the other. The scarring there is still bumpy and bruised. Because apparently, lost wings never let you forget. And the rest of his scarring is on show too. Stretching right from his neck down to his calf, shiny and tough. It spans about half way across his torso, not reaching too far elsewhere. It didn’t hurt anymore, but the reminder of what happened was a bitch.  “Bucky.”

The hand leaves, and there’s the tap running. A glass of water is pressed into his hand and Bucky takes it. Standing once he’s downed it in one, he goes back to the couch. But he sits, letting Steve sit next to him.

“Bucky, you’re gonna be okay.”

“I scared both you and June, I freaked out your friends and now you can see how fucking gross I look without a shirt on. I really don’t think I’m gonna be okay right now.” Bucky growls. Shaking.

“You didn’t scare me or June, and Sam and Nat are fine. They get it. Clint, Nat’s boyfriend used to be in the army. And you aren’t disgusting sweetheart. So what you’ve got scars? I’ve got a massive one down my back. And there’s skin on my knees that’s completely fucked up from countless fallings over and picking scabs.”

“Scabs aren’t like this Steve.”

“No, but you can’t help them. You got them doing a good thing, a brave thing.”

“You don’t know how I got them.”

“But I’m pretty sure I know you though. And in the weeks I’ve known you I know that you’d do anything for those you’re close to those who need the help. No matter what. And I think you’re pretty damn brave for that.”

“And you also saw my face on the news?”

“You were on the news?”

“Prisoner of war brought back, missing wing and missing memories. They only focused on my damn wing. I got so many people hounding me, the tabloids I mean. Until my regulars nearly fought them all off.”

“See, you really have built yourself a community. How about this, I’ll bring June up. Send Sam and Nat away and we can come back, let June tell me all about those embarrassing stories yeah?”

“You don’t have to.”

“You can meet them another time. There’s no rush. Maybe after the second date.”

“Alright. Yes, please, and lock the shop up for me.”

“That I can do.” Steve stands, walking to Bucky’s door.

“And Steve?” The blonde turns “Sweetheart, really?”

“Oh shut up Buck.”

Having both June and Steve in the apartment calms him down, and their joint laughter calms him right down to his bones. He had pulled on a sweater, getting it caught in his wings before he was able to get it on. It was cosy though, and he tugs the sleeves over his hands and is able to curl his knees under the fabric, legs pulled up against his chest as he’s curled into the armchair with another mug of tea.

Both June and Steve keep glancing at him, and he knows the looks are worried so he doesn’t mind. It meant they cared. They’re chatting, leaving Bucky to listen and calm down.

“Guys I’m going to go to bed. But you’re both welcome to stay.” He’s finished his cup of tea, letting the two others move onto one of the bottles of wine Sam and Natasha had bought. Bucky didn’t like drinking, not anymore. So he let himself leave the situation. “I’ll talk to you both in the morning.”

His eyes are closing, and he feels like he could sleep for a week. But he has to be up bright and early for the shop tomorrow so it was better if he got to bed earlier. It was only 7:30, but he’d slept through the night when he’d gone to bed earlier so he wasn’t worried.

“Night sunshine.”

“Night Buck.” Steve’s smile is sad, but Buck ignores it in favour of getting some shut eye. His head was banging.

“Night.”

Falling asleep quickly is one thing he had always been quite good at, and after the day’s events it wasn’t hard for him to do.

The nightmares return though. Thick and fast. It’s a mixture this time, of torture and killing and fire and blood.

There’s a hand on his chest and familiar gentle voice crooning in his ear when he gets woken up.

Shouting, not used to the contact he lashes out, not coming into contact with anything as he bolts up, rolling off the bed and onto something squashy.

Steve’s lap.

“Steve?” Confused, Bucky coughs and moves away.

“Yeah sorry, I stayed here for a little longer. Just to make sure you were okay. June got a taxi home. I heard you screaming and came in.”

“Oh, sorry.” Crawling back a little, Bucky just sits and stares at Steve for a few seconds. “You okay?”

“Oh I’m fine don’t worry. Just worried for you.”

“No need, nightmares are normal.” Trying to shake off the thoughts as well as his embarrassment Bucky isn’t ready for Steve’s question.

“You want a hug?” There’s a split second where Bucky panics at the question. But there was a bigger part of him that wanted the contact.

“Yeah okay.” Bucky watches as Steve tries to hide his smile and instead shuffles over. There’s still sweat drying on his back, and he’s shaking a little but he melts as soon as he feels Steve’s arms around him, even if the two men were awkwardly crouched on the floor.

“You want to stay here tonight? I’ll take the couch.” Timid in his offering, Bucky shrugs himself backwards and stand, helping Steve up too when he takes Bucky’s offered hands.

“Oh no, I’ll take the couch.”

“Steve, I’m going to wake up a few more times I would rather do it in the living room.” Bucky wheedles “I have extra blankets and pillows it’s no bother.”

“I’m not kicking you out of your bed Bucky I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Fine then I’ll sleep on the floor.” Shrugging, stubborn as ever Bucky goes to march into the living room before Steve stops him.

“Fine okay, you contrary piece of shit. But at least let me help make up the couch.” Eyeing him, Bucky nods. Feeling like he’d won, he goes through to the living room, grabbing a pile of blankets from the chest at the foot of the couch.

“Come on Steve, you said you wanted to help” Turning around, Bucky catches Steve staring. The guy must be more tired than he thought. “And then I think you should go to bed too you look beat.”

“Whatever you say. Hand me one of those blankets.” Blinking slowly, Steve starts to help, tucking one blanket around the cushions and then helping Bucky lug the pillows onto the couch as well as pile a few blankets on top.

“Now let me just go and change my bed,” Bucky hurries to the other room, remembering that his sheets probably reeked of sweat.

“No come on, bed. I’ll tuck you in and everything.” Chuckling to himself, Steve steers Bucky by the arms towards the sofa, pushing him down gently and helping him shuffle the covers over himself and around his feet.

Bucky’s wing comes around him, and Bucky lets Steve tuck the blankets around that too.

“You gonna be okay?” Bucky peeks out from the slowly growing pile of blankets.

“Yeah sure, you just go to sleep okay.”

“You too.”

“Goodnight Buck.”

“Goodnight Stevie.” Shifting around so that he can watch Steve go, Bucky smiles at the way Steve leaves the bedroom door open.

Bucky doesn’t fall asleep quickly, in fact he doesn’t fall asleep at all. Instead he lies in the dark, listening intently to Steve’s breathing. Trying to process everything that happened during the previous day.

He pretends to sleep though, when Steve creeps in holding a blanket and pillows, and makes camp beside the couch. It’s only then that Bucky can sleep, hand outstretched towards Steve from where he had failed to brush away a piece of hair and a small content smile on his lips.

He doesn’t have any nightmares, and Steve has disappeared from the floor by the time the sun goes up.

“Morning, how are you feeling Buck?” There’s a sound of frying and a great smell coming from the kitchen so Bucky follows his nose, finding Steve standing at the cooker in nothing but sweatpants as he flips pancakes. “Thought I’d make you your favourite breakfast after the ordeal yesterday.”

“You don’t have to.” Bucky protests, but he’s sitting at his little rickety table anyway, waiting.

“I want to.” It’s still early morning, so the sunlight is barely coming through the blinds, leaving Bucky to look at Steve’s wings which seemed to be behaving for once as they were gently resting at Steve’s back and not knocking everything over. The gold really shone whenever the weak light hit the feathers and Bucky enters a sort of trance as he looks, following the wings over and up to Steve’s bare back.

“You gonna help me open the shop this morning?” Bucky yawns through his question.

“You aren’t opening the shop today. You had too much of an ordeal yesterday.”

“No, I’ve got to open the shop. I’ve missed too many days this week. Besides you can meet the usual crowd if you want. They normally come in early for their coffee.”

“Coffee you don’t charge them for.”

“You know they leave money regardless.” Bucky didn’t want to charge the small crowd of oldies that came into his shop. They were nice company and were always friendly to any other new customers. They were even talking about starting up a book club. Bucky didn’t want to charge them.

“You’re sweet Buck, but I really don’t think you should open up today.”

“I’ve opened in worst states. And this time you’ll be helping. Come on Stevie.”

“You’re going to open the shop anyway aren’t you?” Turning, pan in hand Steve only sighs as he piles the first pancake onto the plate he places in front of Bucky.

“You know me too well.”

“If you say so.” There’s something like sorrow behind Steve’s voice so Bucky doesn’t start eating until Steve’s sat down with his own breakfast opposite. He doesn’t let Steve start either.

“This is about yesterday right?”

“I’m just worried is all Bucky, you’ve got to understand that I’m not doing it to be nosey.”

“I know you’re worried, but I don’t want to spoil what we have right now.” Bucky admits, trying desperately to meet Steve’s eyes so he won’t back out of the conversation like he desperately wants to.

He doesn’t want to lose Steve, but he might do if he doesn’t start opening up. Steve gave him so much; it wasn’t fair to expect Steve to ask for nothing in return.

“You wouldn’t spoil anything. I’ve known you for what nearly a month? You’ve had nearly a month to spoil everything, and you haven’t yet.”

“Because I’ve been avoiding telling you things. I don’t want you to hate me.” To shut himself up, Bucky shoves a mouthful of pancake into his mouth. His distress shows, it must do, because his wing is doing that thing where it tries to get him out of the situation, doing nothing more than creating small currents of wind behind him.

“I would never hate you. What’s got you like this Buck?” Steve leans forward on his elbows, chin in hand as his brows furrow with concern. It’s not something Bucky’s used to and he shies away from it.

“I used to kill people for a living Steve, not just your regular army job. That was why I got tortured after I fell. Because I killed so many damn people.”

“Did you want to though? Can you honestly tell me you went out and enjoyed killing all those people?”

“What the fuck? Of course not!” He had hated every second of it. He couldn’t become numb to it, he had to live through every second. But it was a job, something he was good at.

“Then why would that ruin everything? I can’t pretend to know everything you went through. And I don’t expect you to tell me. But I’m here if you need me, and I would never drive you away. I don’t care about what you did in your past or your lack of wing or your scarring. I just worry for you.”

“Why because you have to?” Bucky snarls, he can’t help it. So he goes back to stuffing his face, to stop himself from fucking everything up.

“No, because you’re a good person. Somebody who I’ve grown to know over these last three weeks. Somebody who for nearly a month has shown me sarcasm and kindness in equal measure in a way that wasn’t horrible. Somebody who didn’t laugh when I showed them my skinny sixteen-year-old self and somebody who worries about me too.”

“You’re a fucking sap Rogers.” Bucky nearly chokes on his mouthful at the admission, and he can feel the blush spreading down his chest.

“Yeah but I’m your sap.”

“You’re my sap.”

“Well good, now eat your pancakes and the we can sort your wing out, it looks a little sore from yesterday. Then we can open up the shop.”

“Alright clumsy, okay.”

Finishing up their breakfast in quick and easy silence, Bucky goes to his room to grab himself some clean clothes as well as a t-shirt for Steve and grabs his little box of wing care products.

“Here.” After dressing quickly, Bucky goes out to throw his t-shirt at Steve. “Also are those my sweatpants?”

“My stuff is in the wash” Steve shrugs, which then draws Bucky’s attention to the running washing machine. “I threw your stuff in too from the laundry basket, and tidied up your hall.”

“Steve, stop being such a good person.” Bucky groans when he sees that everything in the hall was perfectly neat and tidy. The kitchen had been cleaned too.

“Whatever, now sit down. I want to take a look at the damage. Sit in front of the couch.”

“Alright bossy.” Bucky mutters, sitting in front of Steve, back towards him.

“Your wing is really looking well.” Steve muses as he runs his fingers through the feathers on Bucky’s wing, causing Bucky’s spine to feel as if it’s melting. The sensation would shock him if he wasn’t so stupidly boneless. “Although you ripped out new feathers so you’re bleeding a little, pass me the box.” Wordlessly, Bucky hands Steve the box.

“There’s anti-bac cream in there too.” Gesturing vaguely, Bucky just shakes his head a little at that. He had a habit of picking at his wings when he was stressed or nervous. Anti-bacterial cream had become a staple item in the box.

“Maybe you could try not to do that anymore Buck.”

“It’s not something I can help.” Steve runs a hand through his hair, the free one running through the feathers and Bucky collapses back against his legs. “Are you wanting to brush my hair too because that is something you can absolutely do.”

“Sure Buck.”

“I’ll brush through your wings too. It’s super nice.”

“I can tell by the way you’re acting like a sleepy cat.” Chuckling, Steve starts to apply the cream. The cold doesn’t bother Bucky in his relaxed state. And instead he curls around Steve’s leg as the blonde carefully applies the cream to the no longer bleeding patches of skin where Bucky had ripped the feathers out the day before.

Bucky just slumps down as Steve attends to Bucky’s wing. Taking care of it better than Bucky ever did.

“The deep conditioner worked then?”

“I’ve applied it a few times.” Mumbling, Bucky curls even more around Steve’s leg, cheek resting on his knee. “Now hurry up we’ve got to open the shop soon.”

“It’s only eight calm down.” Listening as Steve shuffles everything around in the tin box, Bucky contentedly sits and waits, crossing his legs to be more comfortable.

Quietly, Steve starts to hum as he gets the wax out, applying it to the larger feathers, ignoring the softer ones underneath until he gets out the powder to run through them.

“Okay, your turn.” Bucky sluggishly moves up once Steve taps him on the back. They swap places, Steve thumping down on the floor as Bucky wakes up and starts to comb through Steve’s wings with his fingers. As soon as he starts, Steve lets out a load moan.

“Crap sorry.” There’s a blush growing at the back of his neck that Bucky traces with his fingers “That just feels really good.”

“Told you.” Bucky gets the wax after combing through the feathers again, taking his time as Steve tries to stifle little moans and groans. Bucky drags it out, just to be a little shit.

“Bucky.”

“What? You’ve got nice wings Stevie, mine used to look like this. You know before everything.”

“Your wing is lovely.”

“Don’t be a liar Steve. Anyway, could I ask a question?”

“Fire away.” Bucky starts applying the wax, making sure to get all the little finicky feathers underneath coated. To add another layer of protection onto the wings.

“Does this reaction” He pauses, waiting for the blush to grace Steve’s neck again “Happen for just everyone.”

“What you mean you turning into a cat?” Steve chuckles, causing Bucky to go red himself.

“Yeah.”

“No, I think it’s a soulmate thing.”

“Okay.” Bucky nods, reaching for the powder to get at the downing feathers just at the base of Steve’s wings.

“Why’d you ask.”

“Oh no reason.” Bucky finishes up, running his hands through Steve’s wings one last time, getting the man to shiver before straightening up. “Come on, we can grab some coffee downstairs and open up.

Standing, stretching his arms up, Bucky goes back into his room to grab a soft cardigan. There’s a little struggle with his wings, but he gets it on eventually.

“My clothes aren’t ready yet.” Steve is waiting by the door, arm outstretched and hand reaching towards Bucky. So Bucky takes it.

“Doesn’t matter, you’ll just give the customers a show.” He jabs at Steve’s chest, giggling and squeezing Steve’s hand before they go down the stairs.

Opening up the shop isn’t too hard, Bucky just has to wipe the sides again and make sure the stock is okay. If it’s a stock replenishing day, he has to wait for the delivery people. And today he has to make coffee for two. Which he really doesn’t mind and in fact, finds he enjoys as Steve stands around him, making him laugh whenever Bucky turns around by making faces.

Dragging a chair to the counter, just like he had every time he had come, Steve props himself up, waiting for his coffee while Bucky bustles about making the two cups.

Setting them both down, Bucky goes about sorting everything out slowly. Circling back around to take sips of his drink and smile at Steve who crosses his eyes each time, occasionally sticking his tongue out and leaning forward into Bucky’s face to get him to laugh harder.

The simple few actions of Steve get him ready for the day, and he’s comfortable enough to roll up the sleeves on his cardigan. Something he wouldn’t have done the few weeks before.

“You know we’ll have known each other exactly a month on Sunday?” Steve’s talking offhandedly, yawning into his hand every so often. Business was always slow, and Bucky only ever got enough business to scrape by. But he preferred it that way.

“Really, is that why you planned our date for Sunday?”

“Maybe” Dragging his vowels out Steve flashes Bucky a blinding smile.

“Sap.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Get you Mr grouchy.”

“Go away.” They’re leaning closer as they chat, heads naturally bending closer as they tease each other back and forth.

Banging their heads together when they’re shocked form their conversation is the aftermath of that.

“Steve put some clothes on!” A female voice practically shrieks, followed by joint booming laughter.

It was Sam and Natasha from yesterday followed by a blonde man Bucky vaguely recognised, he felt like he knew him, there was just something about him that Bucky felt he knew.

“Yeah Steve put some clothes on,” The blonde laughs.

“Hey Bucky, I’m Clint. You know Sam and Nat.” Clint introduces, holding his hand out. “Since these two knuckle heads are too rude to introduce me.” Bucky takes the hand reluctantly, shifting himself backwards and rolling his sleeves down. The name a rang a bell, somewhere in the recesses of Bucky’s mind but he doesn’t say anything.

Clint and Natasha’s wings matched perfectly. Blood red in colour and shorter than average. They looked deadly. What catches Bucky’s eye though, as he studies all four friends, is Sam’s wings.

They were white. Which was only a colour wings turned when one lost a soulmate. Or didn’t have one at all.

Bucky doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t stare either. Instead he quietly goes about making more coffee. Breathing evenly, just to himself, he counts through his breathing. It had been a good morning, a calm one. A great one in fact. He could deal with Steve’s friends.

“Hey” there’s a hand on his back as Steve comes over to help. “You okay?”

“Sure.”

“They said they’d be quiet. And sorry for surprising us. I had no idea they’d turn up.”

“Nah it’s okay. Just go and chill it’s fine. Go and talk to your friends.”

“I’m helping you grouchy, now come and sit down, or are you going to stay at the counter.”

“Counter. Just in case there’s a customer.”

“Good idea.” Patting his back, Steve helps take the drinks over, along with milk and sugar so everybody could help themselves. Steve comes back though, moving his chair to the side of the counter so he can reach over to grab at Bucky’s hand or knee whenever he feels Bucky needs it.

Which isn’t that often, as he slowly falls into comfortable conversation with the group.

“So Buck, can I call you Buck?” Clint calls over, fiddling a little with his hearing aids

“As long as I can call you scruffy.”

“Fair enough, so what reg were you in?” Clint doesn’t sound unsure, just as if he doesn’t care but is curious.

“Special ops.” Bucky’s tongue feels like cardboard but he answers.

“Rad me too. Well not rad, if you catch my drift.”

“Sure do scruffy. Wait.” Squinting a little, Bucky looks at the blonde carefully “Put your sunglasses on.” Clint does. And then takes them off with a grin. “Oh my fucking hell.” Bucky laughs. “Hawkeye?”

“SARGE!” Clint grins, laughing now too getting up. “Almost didn’t recognise ya with your stupid fucking hair.” Bucky is up in a second, stomping over to hug the shorter man.

“Do you still have pizza dog?”

“Of fucking course, mutt followed me home. He’s lost an eye though.”

“Not so Lucky then.”

“The dog gets three meals a day and doesn’t fucking move he’s a lucky bastard.”

“How did your wings not tip me off?” Bucky holds him at arm’s length, smirking when Clint wiggles out of his grip.

“Grime and dirt. We were dirty as all hell. I only just cottoned on when you said something.”

“You always were a bit slow.” They embrace again. Bucky overcome with too many emotions to process the contact. It felt good though, knowing that there was someone in the room that understood.

“Fuck you man I thought you died.” Clint pushes at him, sitting next to Natasha and grabbing her hand.

“So did I.” Bucky laughs, and it sounds an awful lot like relief.

“So you’re Steve’s soulmate huh. I should have put two and two together when he said he’d met a charmingly grumpy guy.”

“Shut the fuck up.” He motions to Natasha “And you found yourself someone too.”

“So we wound up okay.”

“We wound up okay.”

Steve’s staring at him again, so Bucky smiles, wide and cheesy until Steve laughs. His eyes look a little dewy, but he grins back regardless.

Maybe he could get used to Steve’s friends. Seeing as though one of them was already one of his from way back in the day.

He quietens down then listening to the conversation. That conversation was just enough for the day and he didn’t want to ruin that with any more surprises.

No-one mentions Clint and Bucky’s mini reunion and nobody mentions wings. But Steve keeps a hold of his hand and only a handful of customers come in. All of which he’s able to help quickly and smoothly with a genuine smile.

They all leave in the afternoon, Steve fully dressed and all of them off to work. Clint leaves with a promise to bring Lucky, and Steve leaves with a hug and a promise to be back in the evening.

“To discuss the date, I know you’re not big on surprises.”

Bucky is left in the quiet, cleaning up the few coffee cups and to contemplate yesterday.

The morning was enough to calm him, and he starts to enjoy thinking about the evening planned. Maybe they could order pizza.

Steve turns up smelling clean and dressed in clean clothes.

“You ready to be wooed Bucky boy?”

“It’s not Sunday.”

“No, Sunday’s in five days.” Steve stays matter of factly as Bucky locks up. “But this is a pre-date. We’re going to order in and watch movies while we plan the date for Sunday. I have a ton of ideas.” He’s reaching for Bucky’s hand again as he talks, so Bucky takes Steve’s in his own, letting him play with his fingers.

Bucky had noticed that Steve liked constant physical contact, even just small gestures like a hand ghosting over his back or fingers tangled together with ankles knocking back and forth. So he was happy to oblige.

Steve seems to relax even further then, content to gently run his own fingers against Bucky’s knuckles as he talks.

“You want pizza?” Bucky asks, leading Steve to the couch so that they can sit down.

“Sure. You want me to ring?”

“If you could.” Steve lets go, and Bucky misses the loss just a little before Steve rings.

“Get two margaritas, along with a ham and pineapple and whatever you want.” Bucky mimes, having to repeat himself a few times until he’s collapsed laughing with Steve shushing him, trying not to laugh himself.

Bucky goes about setting the film up once Steve’s done on the phone. Holding up three films.

“The Addams Family Values, Star Wars a New Hope or Space Jam.”

“That’s the toughest choice ever what the hell Bucky.”

“Do it Steve.”

Steve sticks his tongue in his cheek, thinking it over. “Which one do you want to watch?”

“I’m good with any.” Bucky shrugs, he’d seen each film tones of times.

“All three?”

“All three?” Bucky raises an eyebrow, but he can feel a smile break out onto his face. “Alright but you’re dealing with my sleeping ass when I inevitably fall asleep.”

“Fair’s fair. You want to wait for the pizza.”

“Nah stick the Addams on, we can get comfortable, I still haven’t shifted any of the blankets.

Bucky makes a point to get comfortable, wing blocking his right side so that Steve has to sit on the left, the open side, and piles on his blankets. He puts the largest over his lap, holding it open for Steve to climb under too. Leaving a few inches of space between them which Bucky appreciated. He throws the blanket over Steve too though. Keeping them close without being close. Bucky take Steve’s hand in his though again. Getting another grin from Steve before they put the film on.

Steve turns to him, and with the lights off Steve’s features glow with the light from the TV.

“So, this date I’m planning. How are you with the outdoors?”

“I’m pretty okay with the outdoors.” Bucky mulls it over “But not very busy places.”

“This won’t be busy. I was thinking a walk in the woods. It’s beautiful when it’s sunlit. And I was going to take a camera and a sketchbook. Maybe we could take a picnic too.”

“That sounds lovely.” Bucky breathes, he could picture it too. “That does sound brilliant.”

“Okay good. I’m glad.” Relief floods Steve’s voice “So Sunday at noon? I’ll pick you up. We can go to the woods.”

“I’ll be waiting then.”

Quiet falls over them as they wait for the pizza, light flickering from the screen as they laugh at Fester and Gomez, and whenever Wednesday comes on the screen Steve would stifle a smirk and pointedly look at Bucky.

“Hey look it’s you.”

“No.”

The pizza arrives and they eat in silence, too busy to even grab plates as they shovel it into their mouths.

“Why do you even have ham and pineapple? It’s gross.” Steve grimaces.

“It’s beautiful and you have no class.”

“I have more class than you.”

“Sure you do clumsy.” Setting the left over pizza aside for later, Steve curls his legs under himself, getting that few centimetres closer to Bucky, probably thinking he was being sneaky.

Space Jam had just started, so Bucky turns his attention fully to Steve.

“What do you want?”

“So, you knew Clint.” Groaning, Bucky puts a hand over his eyes, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

“I knew this was going to happen. But yes, I knew him.”

“Can I ask how?”

“We were in training for Special Ops together. He did much the same that I did except without the torture or fire or falling or memory loss. He got out well before I did.”

“You said about the memory loss.”

“It wasn’t for long, only a couple of weeks but it broke me to not be able to remember my mother’s own name you know. I’m okay now.”

“I’m glad, but yeah. You and Clint.”

“We were friends until we had to split into different missions. He was funny back then, I’m glad to see he’s kept that and his dog.”

“And Natasha.”

“I don’t know how she puts up with him.” Bucky smiles before turning back to the film. Steve shuffles closer again, and then again until Bucky takes pity on him and leans back into his side. “You going to put your arm around me or what?” He asks, and fails to stop himself from chuckling when Steve eagerly does, arm loose around his shoulders. He appreciated the lack of constriction.

Warm from Steve and the blanket and full of food, Bucky dozes on Steve’s shoulder, unconsciously snuggling into Steve’s side. With Steve there again, sleep comes quickly and easily.

Waking up is nice, he’s still warm and he feels well rested. There’s something breathing underneath him, and looking up reveals that Steve’s asleep too, mouth open and neck at an awkward angle.

Tutting, Bucky gingerly gets up, pulling the blanket around Steve, turning the TV off and putting the pizza boxes in the fridge. He grabs himself a glass of water that he drinks at the sink, back against the counter as he chugs. He was content. That was the only word he could find. That and safe. He felt safe with Steve there, and he couldn’t wait for Sunday.

Going back into the living room, he spends a few minutes just looking at Steve. Steve, his soulmate. The man who didn’t care about his past and liked physical contact in any way Bucky could give. The man who was constantly ill as a child and any health scare now would probably cause Bucky to lose his mind. Steve Rogers, who in three weeks had completely transformed Bucky’s life. With nine breakfast guesses, three random visits, one date and tonight would make two ‘sleep overs’. Bucky could easily see Steve as his soulmate. And that thought brought a smile to his face.

Tip toeing over to the sleeping figure, Bucky rearranges the blonde into a more comfortable position, leaning his head against the couch cushions and pulling another blanket over him, tucking him in good and proper, careful of the man’s wings that hitch with every breath Steve takes.

“Night Stevie.” He whispers, and in a moment of boldness kisses Steve’s forehead, barely a brush of the lips but he had to high tail it out of the room quickly, collapsing onto his bed to cure his moment of idiocrasy. The sheets still smelt of Steve. And Bucky doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the idea.

Waking up isn’t painful, but Bucky’s eyes feel puffy and sore when he does, still fully clothed. Creeping back into the living room reveals that Steve is still asleep so Bucky takes the time to shower, locking the door firmly behind him to undress and shower. Taking his time is lovely, the hot water washing over him as he washed through his wing and scrubs at his hair and body. Yesterday was a blip in his judgement. He had to wait for Steve, just wait for Steve to change his mind. His scrubbing gets violent as he scrapes his skin raw, the scarred and tough skin on his body getting the brunt of the force. He’s rough with his wings too, careless in his care.

A blip in judgement. Steve may not want that after all. He wouldn’t do it again.

The water starts running too hot so he gets out, towel wrapped around himself as he looks for his clothes. Not finding them he grabs at his hair in frustration. Today wasn’t going to be great. Pulling it up forcefully, he takes a few minutes to shave and brush his teeth, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror as he tries to sneak out of the bathroom and into his own.

With no such luck. Steve’s groggily sitting up and when he looks over at the noise he makes a sound as if he’s swallowed his tongue.

“You alright there Buck?” He manages to choke out, averting his eyes as Bucky tries to keep his towel from slipping.

“Great, just gonna change. Shower’s free as well as washing machine if you want to do that again.”

“I’m alright, I’ve got to be off soon anyway, but I can make you breakfast.” Steve is looking at the wall, the floor anywhere and is the colour of a tomato.

“That would be great, see you in a few minutes.” Bucky bobs into his room, slamming the door shut before quickly going through his new routine. Putting the cream on his skin and his wing cream all over his wings after a rush through job of combing them and then he gets dressed.

Baggy sweater and jeans on he goes into the kitchen, redoing his hair to make it neater and less knotty as he sits down again.

“You alright there sweetheart?” Steve questions, setting down an omelette in front of Bucky, and has cereal for himself. Along with two teas.

“Fine, just tired.” He was going to have to let the name go, apparently it was here to stay. And he didn’t mind, not really.

“Whatever you say. You want me to condition your wing?”

“Already done it.” Steve looks a little hurt but nods.

“Would you do mine?”

“Sure, just let me eat this then we can do it.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less.” Steve tries to smile, and Bucky smiles back, letting his earlier thoughts melt away. He was being stupid. Everything was fine.

He sits on the couch again, cross legged and waiting for Steve once he’d finished washing the dishes. Steve himself had gone to the bathroom so he gets out the wax and powder while he waits. It was high end stuff, stuff he didn’t really remember buying. It was all good though, and everything smelt nice.

Steve plonks himself down when he’s done, leaning right back and waiting. So of course Bucky gets right to it, teasing the groans out of Steve once again. Occasionally hitting at Steve’s arm.

“Steady there, you don’t have any clean underwear.”

“You know what Barnes you can just shut up.” He’s blushing again though, and his skin feels warm to the touch when Bucky trails his fingers across the back of Steve’s neck. It doesn’t stop the little noises though. Noises Bucky comes to appreciate the longer he lets his fingers run through the silky feathers, straightening them and applying both the wax and powder. Caring for Steve’s wings. He never thought that it would be this intimate, or if he would do it all. It’s strange to think that it once repulsed him in a way he could barely think of now.

The fact of the matter was, he liked taking care of Steve.

“You done Buck?” Steve asks and Bucky mumbles out an affirmative.

“You want to wax my wings before you have to go? I didn’t do that bit.” He asks, because he knew how happy it would make Steve and Steve positively lights up at the question, nodding vigorously as he and Bucky switch places.

Bucky turns into a cat again as Steve works, the blonde taking his time as he tenderly works over Bucky’s wing. His fingers keep catching on Bucky’s back or his arm, sometimes his neck as he works but Bucky doesn’t say anything, just melts into the floor.

“I appreciated you tucking me in yesterday, I could barely move when I woke up.” Steve tells him, voice hushed and quiet “And I appreciated the kiss goodnight, it was sweet.” His voice is still quiet, but it stuns Bucky enough for him to go rigid, enough for Steve’s hands to still.

“I’m sorry about that Steve, I did it without asking and I really should have. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, I don’t think you understand yet that I want that from you. But I’m not going to rush you. And I’ll happily go along with your pace. I slept better once you did that though.” He goes back to moving his hands, combing through the feathers and musing them up.

“You like those small acts of affection don’t you.”

“I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic.”

“Who would have thought.” Dramatically, because Bucky had it within him to be sarcastic, he puts on a gasp, hand over his heart.

“Don’t make me stop Buck.”

“We have to get up anyway, I’ve got to open the shop.”

“You don’t get any customers ‘til nine at the earliest Buck, we can spend a little bit more time.”

Relenting, because the sweetness in Steve’s voice is enough to sway anybody, Bucky settles again. Letting Steve run his fingers through the powder and then Bucky’s newer feathers.

“I’m excited for the date on Sunday” Bucky tells Steve, because he wanted Steve to know he appreciated the planning.

“So am I, what are you thinking for food?”

“Coffee.” Steve leans forward, concentrating on the front of the wing, but he’s close enough that Bucky can feel him chuckle.

“As well as…”

“Cake, maybe some sandwiches. I don’t know, I’ve never been to a picnic.”

“Well then I’m going to change that.” There’s a moment of hesitation before Bucky can feel Steve’s lips at the back of his head. “Come on, I guess it’s time to open the shop then I’ve really gotta go.”

“Alright Stevie.” Waiting until Steve goes into the kitchen Bucky does a little wiggle of excitement, just enough to ruffle his feathers and get rid of the pins and needles in his foot. “I’m coming now.”

The next few days can’t pass quick enough, and they only seem to come to a halt when Clint comes by on the Saturday, alone except for his dog and a smile on his face.

“I come bearing a dog as a gift. I expect coffee in return!” He announces, flopping down onto one of the chairs, sprawling.  Bucky was really lucky the shop was empty of customers at that point.

Instead of getting the coffee, Bucky drops down to greet the dog who remembers him, woofing happily and barrelling into him at high force, nearly knocking him over as he licks at Bucky’s face.

“Chill out pizza dog, calm down Lucky.” Bucky tries to say, but he can’t really say anything through his laughter and a few happy tears. It was nice to have the dog and Clint there with him. They had been firm friends at one point.

“So,” He sitting at the counter again, dog at his feet while Clint lounged about. Both with strong coffee’s. “When did you get out?”

“A year and a half before you did. Nat helped me. She’s really good with stuff like that. She sort of adopted me, and then picked Sam up after his partner died out in the field. Then she came across Steve at some party he didn’t want to be at and then Steve found you.” Grinning wide, Clint opens his arms “And here we are.”

“Here we are. Did you uh, see me on the news?”

“Yeah.”

“Good I don’t want to explain anything.”

“I heard about you falling from Sam, he knows people on the inside still. But yeah I heard about the wings and stuff from the news. As well as the torture. I tried to find you but none of the hospitals would tell me anything.”

“So what are you doing now?” The subject changed easily and quickly, Clint knew what it was like.

“I run a dog shelter, I’m not part of that little writing trio they have going on.”

“I was wondering about that.”

“I don’t ask.”

“Best not to” Bucky snorts, coffee nearly coming out of his nose which then sets Clint off, coffee actually coming out of his nose which then leaves the pair in stitches.

Once significantly calmed, and only huffing out a wheezing laugh every few seconds Clint turns his question on him.

“And I see you have a book shop too now.”

“Yeah, remember my ma left it me before she died before the army. And now I have a little community here, there’s a regular called June who’s adopted me sort of. She takes care of me and I take care of her. I do her shopping and she comes for a natter. It works well. She’s a delight.”

“Nat was telling me she got mugged.”

“Yep, I freaked.”

“I guessed. You cool now?”

“Yeah, but do you ever just get episodes?”

“All the time.” Clint sits up, cradling his coffee. “There are days I can’t get out of bed, or noises get too much so I have to take my hearing aids out.”

“I neglect myself completely, my wing was in disarray before Steve got to me. And there have been times I’ve pissed myself in the night.”

“Oh don’t even get me started” Clint chuckles “You ever have to sleep on the floor?”

“Yep, and I can’t take baths. And no candles. I can’t do candles or fire of any sort.”

“Loud noises are a no go. Fireworks are hell.” Bucky’s nodding as Clint reels things off.

“We’re fucking hopeless.” Bucky shakes his head, reaching down to pet the Labrador at his feet. “How did Lucky lose an eye?

“Stupid dog got ran over.”

“After everything, it took a car to get him?”

“He’s stupid is what he is.”

“So, you and Nat huh. How did you manage to bag her?”

“Literally nearly shot her, clocked wings and she knocked me out cold while I was gaping at her.”

“That’s a very you thing to do.” Bucky sounds elated, even to his own ears and he was. Clint deserved somebody good.

“I know, well we got out. And then there was on off books mission to go and drag Sam out of a battle zone after his partner died. Dragged him with us buried the body, gave Riley a proper funeral.”

“I wasn’t going to ask about Sam.” Bucky shrugs, it would have been impolite.

“Riley was a good guy, too air force for us, but they were a rescue extraction team. Sam hasn’t been the same considering they were together since they were kids.”

“Would be weird if he was the same.”

 “And you and Steve huh.”

“Me and Steve.” Smiling, a secret smile reserved for anything to do with Steve lingers on his lips. “We’ve got another date on Sunday.”

“And you’re being slow if his chatter is anything to go by.”

“I can’t do rushed; I can’t let myself.”

“Very wise of you.”

“I know right, got some sense knocked into me when I fell.” Bucky tries to joke, and for other it would just pass over their heads but Clint gets a serious look on his face, wings breaking away from the cover he had been putting up to mess with Lucky who had decided to sniff around looking for crumbs.

“Don’t joke about that Sarge, it’s not good for you. You fell, you were tortured you lost your wing. Anyone else jokes about that and I’ll rip their heads off. No questions asked.”

“I’d do the same for you.”

“And that’s why we work so well Barnes. Now give Lucky a hug and maybe something to eat otherwise he’s going to start whining.”

Bucky laughs, going to dig out some bread for the dog before kneeling down to the canine again, getting a slobbery kiss in return and a long and fluffy hug.

It was something he needed.

Sunday was quick to arrive, and Bucky actually primps himself for the occasion, cutting his hair and shaving properly. The night before he deep conditions his wing, so every feather was soft and full, having not pulled any out since the morning after their unofficial pizza date. He also uses his nicest smelling body wash and shampoo, as well as cologne after putting on a soft shirt and sweater combination with his tightest jeans. His hair is as soft as his wing so he puts it up, strands falling around his face.

Hopefully he would be enough for Steve.

He’s waiting at the door like an over eager teenager when Steve turns up, picnic basket in the backseat and goofy grin fixed firmly in place. He looks stunning, hair pushed back to show off his glasses wearing a tight t-shirt and loose cardigan with blue jeans similarly tight as Bucky’s. He holds the door for Bucky like a gentleman, before getting into his own side, leaving Bucky to put his seatbelt on before they’re off.

“You want cheesy soundtracks or top 40? I have Disney.” Steve offers, going to eject the CD from the slot. Bucky stops him with a hand on his wrist.

“Disney, every time.” He keeps his hand on Steve’s wrist, sliding it down so he’s practically cradling Steve’s hand in his while Steve drives, both singing at the top of their lungs, windows cracked wide open as they speed down the roads.

Bucky’s wing appreciated the breeze, fluttering delightedly behind him as the car carries on going. Twisting and winding down roads to get to the greener parts of the town.

They’re soon at the woods, and the sun is high in the sky, but the breeze is enough for a chill to rip right through Bucky’s bones. One he likes. Steve bustles around, bag over his shoulder and picnic basket in hand, he shuffles from foot to foot for a few seconds, juggling everything and waving off Bucky’s attempt at help before he’s grabbing at Bucky’s hand and whisking him into the woods, practically darting through the first few layers of trees before stopping abruptly, turning to Bucky.

“How awesome is this, it’s so quiet today you can’t hear anyone.” He’s like a giddy child, or a dog. Yeah, a really excited dog, as he drags Bucky to his ‘favourite place ever.’

“Trust me Bucky you’ll love it.” He’s still smiling so Bucky hurries along after him, wings scraping and blowing across trees as Steve’s own wings propel them forward.

Once they get to the place, Bucky careers right into Steve’s back, getting a face full of feathers before he can register what he’s looking at. And it really is beautiful.

It’s a small clearing, just big enough for a picnic blanket with some space around it opening up to a large field full of grass and flowers.

“If we’re quiet, there are deer’s that frequent the field, it’s a perfect little spot.” Steve grins, putting everything down before he’s rolling out a soft blanket, urging Bucky to sit down as he spreads the content of the basket out.

Steve seems to have brought everything. There’s a flask of coffee, sandwiches and cake. As well as a few muffins and cold drinks. There’s even a bowl of strawberries.

“Oh my gosh you bought macaroons, and popcorn.”

“Your favourite snack, and mine too.”

“So now I know that all I need to do is feed you macaroons to get you to do something. I’ve done it Steve I’ve found your weakness.”

“My weakness is currently holding the macaroons but okay whatever.” Snorting at the line Bucky just rolls his eyes, but he leans into Steve too. Just a little bit.

“You said you were going to draw?”

“And take pictures.” If he was a dog, Steve’s ears would perk up along with his wings. Instead he got out his camera first, lying on his back to get pictures of the sun dappled leaves.

“I’m gonna start on the feast.” Bucky decides, diving right in with the sandwiches. He gets lost just listening the slow snapping of Steve’s camera and the breeze whistling through the leaves of the trees surrounding him. And the food, because Steve never told him he was good at making food.

There’s enough distraction to not notice that Steve’s also taking pictures of him, and he only notices Steve when he starts drawing.

“What are you doing?” He questions, half a muffin in his mouth. Steve had been eating too, but he hadn’t been as absorbed in it as Bucky had.

“Drawing you, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh no, just get my good side?”

“Which side then?” Sticking his tongue out, Steve shakes his head a little “But no I’m drawing your wing, it looks lovely framed by the sun, and you look beautiful in this light you really do.”

“Are you drunk Rogers? Or are you looking at someone else?”

“No-one else here sweetheart. Now carry on stuffing your face I’m nearly done.”

“Then you’ll eat?”

“Then I’ll eat. Did you grab your book? I want to draw you more after.” Bucky nods because he did, so he goes back to eating, but he’s a little more self-conscious this time. Steve thankfully doesn’t comment on it.

Steve eventually does start to eat, but he keeps his sketchbook away from Bucky.

“I’ll show you later I promise.”

“So,” Bucky’s just finished his slice of cake as Steve starts on his muffin. “Where’s your favourite place in the world?”

“Here. Most definitely.” Steve nods. “How about you?”

“I think the book shop. I love that place, it’s safe. It’s home.” Steve nods at the answer. “Okay you ask a question.”

“Favourite colour, mine’s green.”

“Never pegged you for a green type of guy. But mine’s blue.” Steve nods as Bucky bites his tongue, refraining from saying that the exact shade of blue was the colour of Steve’s eyes. “Alright, what did you want to be when you grew up?”

“An astronaut, or I wanted to be in the army.” He cringes away a little at that. “You?”

“A teacher I think, possibly a fireman.” He shivers. “Animal?”

“I like lions. They’re either so lazy or so powerful and I can get with that.”

“I like chinchillas, they’re small and furry and did you know they have to take sand baths because they have three hairs for each follicle, meaning that their fur is so dense it grows mould if gets water in it.”

“That’s gross but oddly cute. Oh Bucky look.” He hushes them, pointing to the field where a mother deer is wandering across, bleating occasionally to one of her young who comes skittering after her. “I didn’t think you would get to see any today.” He’s breathless with wonder, just a small simple thing able to reduce him to something starry eyed and full of awe.

Before Bucky can do anything stupid, he leans in.

“Hey Steve.”

“What-“ Bucky doesn’t let him finish, just places his mouth onto Steve’s and lets Steve decided where to go.

Where to go is to lean back, clutching at Bucky as the chaste kiss breaks.

“Bucky-“

“Shut up doofus. Now you going to draw me or what?” Bucky shuffles back, gaze lingering on the shocked look on Steve’s face. Steve’s wings were practically chaotic, dancing around behind the blonde.

“I was going to. Yeah. Bucky, sweetheart you’re sure?”

“I kissed you didn’t I?” They’re still speaking softly, but the deer has probably gone by now.

“Well yes. But you didn’t feel obligated or?”

“Steve,” Bucky rolls his eyes “I wanted to kiss you. You wanted me to right?”

“Well yes.”

“Then good.” Grinning brightly, Bucky gets his books out. “Now are you going to draw me or not Romeo?”

“Oh bugger off.” But Steve gets his drawing stuff out anyway, ready to draw Bucky as he reads.

They’re quiet as the afternoon continues, passing the flask back and forward as they sit. Bucky lies down eventually, head pillowed on one of his arms as he reads, wing pillowing his back as Steve carries on sketching away.

There’s a point when Bucky must fall into a sleepy doze, comfortable in the knowledge that Steve was there and he didn’t have to worry. He wakes half an hour later, Steve still drawing away and book put to one side.

“Hey Stevie.” The sun is still warm on his face so he rolls over, blinking slowly up at Steve who had stopped drawing.

“Hey Buck, you waking up now?”

“Is there any more cake?” Bucky slowly leans up, accepting the help of Steve’s hand on his back as Steve shakes his head.

“No, but there are a few strawberries left.”

“Wanna be cliché and feed each other?” Bucky smirks, reaching for the fruit when Steve nods.

Bucky gets the strawberries out, grabbing the biggest to feed to Steve without any apprehension. Steve takes it, hands cupped under his chin as he rolls his eyes at Bucky.

“We are so lame.”

“So lame.” Bucky agrees, but he opens his mouth when Steve offers a strawberry. They’re sweet, and a little bit tart. And when Bucky bites into it juice runs down his chin, and before he can get to it Steve’s there to wipe it away. Bucky can’t seem to look Steve in the eye, instead focusing on his lips for just a second.

Breaking away giggling after that stops what they’re doing, diving into the last of the strawberries themselves to eat.

“Hey we tried.” Steve muses, biting the last piece in half, giving the other to Bucky.

Taking it Bucky shrugs, popping it into his mouth “We’re not that lame then at least.”

They leave when the sunlight dips, and the ride back is quiet but peaceful.

“You staying tonight?” Bucky asks at the door, only to get Steve shaking his head in response.

“I have to get to the publishers early tomorrow. But I’ll be here as soon as I’m done.”

“I may not say it, but I like you being in the shop.” Bucky confesses, quietly into the night as they stand at the door.

“And I like being there, even when I’m invading your apartment.”

“I like you invading my apartment too.” Bucky’s speaking to the floor, but his admission gets Steve to kiss him. Something hesitant and sweet, a slip on tongue and a lingering goodbye.

“I’ll see you tomorrow sweetheart.” Steve whispers against Bucky’s cheek, backing away slowly before getting into his car.

“Sweetheart? Really?” His question has no heat behind it and Steve just laughs before driving off, leaving Bucky to go upstairs and make himself some dinner.

He had a soulmate. Steve really was his soulmate.

How insane was that.

The next day is busy, and Bucky’s rushed off his feet by the time Steve gets there. The bustle is so out of the usual from normal that it even takes Steve a second to register what’s going on when he stops at the door.

The oldies are sat at their usual table, there are at least three buggies situated in the kid’s section and two teens in the back somewhere. Two of the babies are crying, one of the mothers is on their phone and a toddler is currently making a mess out of the kid’s bookshelves while the group of older people are nattering away as if nothing’s wrong.

The teenagers come out the woodwork, buying a large stack of classic books that Bucky suspects is for an art project judging by one of their messy notebooks and colourful hair accompanied by mad conversation. And if that isn’t enough another few people crowd in only to flit back out after buying something quick.

Steve just comes around the counter, sitting quietly beside Bucky while Bucky stresses out. But there is a considerable amount of calm that washes over him when Steve reaches out, hand running through the ends of Bucky’s wing.

The mothers eventually leave, leaving just Steve and Bucky with the small crowd of four at the table.

“Hey sweetheart.” Steve finally greets, kissing Bucky’s cheek before taking it upon himself to go and sort the kids section out. “You sit down for a second, let me sort out this mess and then we can have a cuppa okay?” The warmth lingers on Bucky’s cheek, and relieves some of the ache there from smiling so much and so falsely at the customers.

Bucky forgets the group of four are there until they wolf whistle and heckle, cackling away to themselves.

“So this is your soulmate!” Mr Beck practically shouts; Mrs Green even starts clapping.

“Oh my, guys shut up!” Bucky hisses, but he’s smiling too. Trust the old busy bodies to catch on so quickly. “Yes, this is Steve.”

“Nice to finally meet you Steve” Mrs Johnson grins, elbowing her husband who nods, looking up from his book.

“Likewise.” Steve smiles politely, hand reaching for Bucky’s. Bucky takes it, looking over a little perplexed. Steve wasn’t normally this quiet. He would ask later.

Steve’s quiet as Bucky chats to the group, and Bucky decides to close up once they leave.

“Come on Stevie, up we go.” Bucky ushers Steve up the stairs. “Sit next to the couch, I’ll get the wing stuff.” Bucky directs Steve to sit, going into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. While Steve’s sat he draws the blinds and puts on a quiet film. Steve didn’t look with it.

“So, what’s the matter?” Bucky asks, voice going quiet like Steve’s did when he had to talk Bucky down. He gently starts to run his hands through the softer feathers at the base of Steve’s wings, frowning as they dropped.

“It’s the anniversary of my mom’s death next week. Don’t worry I always get like this beforehand. I wasn’t like this yesterday cause I was able to block it out.” Steve tries to shrug away the implication. His eyes are downcast and his whole body looks as though it might drop if you so much as poked him in the back.

“Steve no, I’m going to worry. Come on now Stevie.” Kissing the back of Steve’s head again, Bucky goes on to fluff up Steve’s wing, playing with the feathers as he runs his fingers through them.

“Look, do you want stay here again tonight? I’ll cook you dinner. You can stay here tomorrow too, but I won’t be here in the morning ‘cause I’ve got a therapist appointment.” The date was enough to distract him from the reality of his mental health, but he would never miss a session if he could help it.

“I could wait for you here?” Steve looks up, eyes wide and mouth turned down at the corners. It’s in that moment that Bucky realises how much Steve relied on him too.

“Of course, I don’t normally open on therapy days anyway. And I’de be back by the afternoon so you could sleep in all morning and we can binge the afternoon.” He starts applying the powder too, actions delicate. “You can bring your work here if you want too, I have internet and everything. And everyone is welcome to come round if you don’t want to go out.”

“What about the actual day itself though?” Whispering, Steve sounds close to tears so Bucky stops, shifting so that he’s kneeling in front of Steve.

“I’ll be with you, holding your hand throughout the entire day. If you want to spend that whole day in bed then you can. Nobody’s gonna stop you.”

“And I can really stay here?”

“For as long as you like. You can come help me with the shop, or just work on your stuff behind the counter. Or you can stay up here.”

“Okay, thanks Buck.”

“Don’t worry Stevie. Now do you want me to text Sam or Nat to drop some stuff off for you?”

“Yeah okay.” Nodding distractedly, Steve hands over his phone. Standing up, Bucky leaves Steve with a kiss to the man’s forehead, phone in hand.

_Hey, its bucky. Could you bring steve some pyjamas and stuff? Maybe his laptop and tablet? Thx :)_

There’s an instant reply.

_Sure thing, not gud?_

_Not gud._

Bucky locks the phone, giving it back to Steve.

“Now come on, let’s get you warmed up and cosy.” Bucky hauls Steve up, placing the older under his arm and wing as he shuffles Steve onto the couch, tucking blankets around him as well as pillows. “I’m going to start on dinner, put a stock cube in along with some chicken. Make you chicken soup.”

Thinking about the content of his fridge, Bucky nods to himself. “That sound okay sugar?” The name rolls off his tongue, and Steve is finally present enough to catch it and his small smile spreads to his eyes so Bucky can’t even feel embarrassed. “It’s always one thing after another huh?” He asks, getting Steve to smile a little again, just a turn up in the corner of his mouth.

Clapping his hands together, Bucky stands and goes to the kitchen, looking around his cupboards until he finds the things he needs, trying to be as quiet as he can so as not to bother Steve.

There’s a pot of water boiling on the stove full of cubed veg and stock and he’s just added the chicken when he hears Steve come into the kitchen, trailing a blanket as he goes.

“Can I sit in here?” Muffled, Steve’s wings drawn up around his chest, and the blanket up to his mouth and around his ears means that Bucky can barely hear him but he nods with a smile.

“Sure, it’s a little hot but pull up a chair. You don’t have to ask.” Going back to stirring he lets Steve shuffle around, listening to his breathing as they carry on in relative silence. Steve wasn’t up for talking and that was okay, most of the time Bucky wasn’t either.

Bucky carries on bustling around, aware that Steve was there but not bothered. He liked having Steve with him. After he’s covered the stew he sits next to Steve, putting his arm around the blanket bundle along with his wing, making a little shelter around Steve as the blonde puts his head on Bucky’s shoulder, hair ticking at Bucky’s nose as he buries it at Steve’s crown.

“Thanks Buck.” Steve snuggles in a little further, both awkwardly leaning in the wooden chairs. It’s lovely, just sitting there and snuggling together. Bucky can feel Steve’s breath on his chest, and Bucky’s wing shifting every now and then keeps them both close together.

Bucky’s so comfortable and concentrating so hard on Steve that Bucky has to practically run to the stove when the water boils over.

It’s a quick fix, and the chicken is cooked nicely so Bucky shuffles Steve back into the living room, sitting him down and fussing over him while the stew cools a little before going back to and getting two bowls full.

“Grab this, it’ll warm you up. Super secret family recipe that I just thought up on the spot right now so don’t tell anyone.” He winks, handing Steve’s bowl over and sitting next to him, dragging a spare blanket over his lap as the film plays quietly in the background. Poking at Steve’s arm, getting the man to look up from where he was just staring blankly into the bowl, Bucky nods down at it. “Eat up Steve.”

“Alright bossy boots.” Grumbling under his breath Steve starts to eat, getting through the bowl slowly. Bucky barely eats any of his own due to watching Steve eat his, just to make sure the man was eating.

Bucky ate his soup in silence, watching closely for any signs of distress from Steve. He doesn’t pay any attention to the movie at all. Reaching out to touch Steve occasionally keeps Steve within the room, so whenever Steve’s eyes glaze over Bucky puts a hand on his covered arm or wing, leaving it there for a few seconds and letting the pressure and warmth from his hand remind Steve that he was there.

“I wouldn’t have made you go on the date yesterday if you were like this. You should have told me; we could have easily waited.” Bucky murmers, not wanting to spook Steve as he finishes up his dinner with a few last half assed mouthfuls.

“Nah, the date was a good distraction honestly. It was nice. I liked being with you there.” Steve’s voice is still barely over a whisper, but he’s talking which is a good sign.

“Wanna nap till we can go to bed properly? My lap makes a pretty good pillow.” Bucky offers, Natasha or Sam should be there soon, and Bucky wanted to make Steve as comfortable as possible.

Without a word, Steve just flops to the side, head colliding with Bucky’s thigh before he’s wiggling to get comfortable, blanket pulled tightly around himself and knees tucked up practically to his chin. Starting to card his hand through Steve’s hair, Bucky plays with the ends, fingers scratching at Steve’s scalp as he went.

Stilling his fingers in Steve’s hair once he comes across a knot, Bucky leans over a little, looking at Steve’s face “You alright there sugar?” He asks, waiting until Steve nods before carefully untangling the knot and resuming his task. Steve’s head was getting heavier and heavier on his thigh, his body spreading out little by little as he stretched across the couch. The furniture itself being just shy of fitting his legs perfectly so his feet were dangling over the edge of the couch arm.

Stillness fills the room as the pair sit and lie on the couch, film quiet in the background. Both don’t even register it’s there.

Steve’s phone buzzes, causing Steve to snort awake, leaving Bucky to shush him back into a quieter headspace while he gets up and goes downstairs to greet Sam.

“Hey man.” Sam waves when Bucky opens the door, hands full with two bags. “I’m not gonna come up, but this is everything he needs. It’s his mom right?”

“Yeah.” Bucky nods, taking the bags “Anything I need to watch out for? Anything he needs?”

“Hugs mainly, if he needs to be left alone you need to leave him alone until he calms down. He can either get really quiet or really shouty depending on what’s running through his head.”

“I can roll with that.” Looking into Sam’s eyes Bucky holds his hand out. “Thanks for trusting me with him, I know he’s normally probably over there with you, Natasha and Clint.”

“Nah he was pretty adamant about coming here.” Shaking Bucky’s outstretched hand Sam smiles, and it’s warm enough that Bucky thinks he can learn to trust him. “He feels better with you there.”

“I have to say the same from my end. You go and rest up okay, I’ll keep texting you.”

“See you later man.” Smiling once more with a quick glance into the shop, Sam leaves, getting into his car as Bucky watches him drive away.

Fortifying himself with a deep breath before going back up, Bucky locks up and goes upstairs, practically in silence.

Steve’s asleep on the couch, mouth open and drooling onto the cushions.

“Stevie, wake up you gotta get to bed.” Bucky shakes the man, other hand running through his wing to keep him calm as Steve blinks up sluggishly, eyes glazed over.

“Buck?”

“Time for bed darlin’. Come on now I got your pyjamas.”

“My pyjamas?” Sitting up, blankets falling to the floor Steve doesn’t wake up fully, just looks up at Bucky and follows his lead. Stumbling a little with the bags, Bucky makes it into the bedroom with Steve on his heels.

“Alright, sweatpants. Forget about brushing your teeth it doesn’t matter right now.” Thrusting the clothing at Steve, Bucky dumps the bags at the end of the bed before helping Steve get undressed because the man had his shirt caught around his ears and wings and was making whiny pissed off noises.

Sweatpants on and Bucky in his own pair too, Bucky puts Steve to bed, bringing the covers right around the man’s ears. “I’ll be in the living room okay.” Smoothing over Steve’s hair one last time he goes to leave, before Steve places a desperate hand on his arm and makes a distressed noise in the back of his throat.

“Stay please, Bucky please.” His eyes are wide and shiny, pleading as they look up and Bucky’s heart breaks just a little bit.

“Okay sugar, okay I’ll stay here. Shove over a little bit.” Nothing would happen, it would be fine. Getting under the covers and awkwardly avoiding lying on Steve’s wings or his own, Bucky lies down.

“Come here.” Grumbling, because Steve didn’t seem to be able to have a normal tone of voice at this present moment, Steve reaches over to cling to Bucky, shuffling until his head’s on Bucky’s chest and Bucky’s arm is around him.

Bucky’s wing instinctively comes around Steve, pressing against Steve’s own wings and they both seem to relax together, all the tension draining from Steve’s back and wings as Bucky pets his hair with his free hand while Bucky himself drifts into an easy sleep.

Steve wakes Bucky up with coffee and a soft smile.

“Wake up, I could have sworn you said you had therapy.” The light from the hall is backlighting him, and around his wings Steve looks a little like how books portray angels. Coffee paired with Steve’s voice, soft and smiling, gets Bucky to sit up and stretch.

“Why are you up?” Bucky had wanted Steve to get some rest.

“Your alarm was going.” Steve has his own coffee and he sits on the bed next to Bucky.

“So you decided to wake me up with coffee?” Bucky looks over at the clock. He had about an hour before he had to be out the door so he wasn’t too worried about rushing.

“As a thank you for yesterday.”

“You don’t have to thank me Stevie.” Taking Steve’s chin in hand, Bucky doesn’t hesitate to lean in and kiss the man. “Now wipe the bashfulness from your face and help me get up. I’ve got to shower, get dressed and make you breakfast.”

“Make me breakfast?” Steve stands, helping Bucky up only to pull him into a hug. It’s a little awkward because Bucky’s still clutching his coffee to his chest and he needs to crack his back. But it’s nice all the same.

“Yes breakfast, now go and sit down. I’ll only be a minute in the shower then we can eat breakfast and I’ll leave you to your devices for the morning.” Taking another swig of coffee Bucky smiles up at Steve through it “Your laptop’s in the bag at the bottom of the bed with some of your things. Sam brought them over.”

“Sam?”

“Do you remember much about yesterday?” Bucky blinks, carefully looking Steve over as the blonde shakes his head.

“Not much, just coming over to yours after looking at the calendar at mine.”

“Alright, well I’ll fill you in once we’re set up alright.”

“Alright.” Steve agrees before shuffling out of the room, leaving Bucky to get a quick shower and get changed. He’d deal with his wing when he got back if he was in the right headspace for it.

Bucky finally cracks his back, gathering his clothes to go and get a quick shower. He could hear Steve putter around, so he hurries up, not wanting Steve to tax himself. He knew that Steve was fragile at the moment, and he cursed himself for not noticing sooner, even if Steve did say he had put it out of his mind for their date.

Washing quickly, he keeps as much water as he can off his wings, before shoving his head under the spray for a few seconds to We himself up and get rid of the grease that had built up overnight. It’s not long before he’s out and dressed, grabbing his journal from his bedside table so that he can go and put it in the living room for when he leaves, and that’s where he finds Steve. Sitting still and nursing a cup of coffee.

“You want to skip breakfast and go back to bed?” Quietly coming around the couch, Bucky sits next to Steve, laying a hand between the man’s wings. “You don’t need to see me off.”

“Nah, I’m up now.” Steve leans into Bucky, wings shifting so he can lean on Bucky properly, head resting on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Well, you can easily waste your day without feeling bad about it. I’ve got cable, and a load of DVD’s. You can always take your laptop into the bedroom, or downstairs if you want more familiar surroundings.” Bucky turns to press a kiss against the crown of Steve’s head “And if you really want to, Sam brought your work over. But don’t feel like you have to do anything. There’s plenty of food in the cupboards, beer in the fridge. Take whatever you need.”

Bucky’s wing shifts as Steve snakes his arm around his waist, clutching at Bucky’s t-shirt.

“Thanks Buck.”

“No problem Stevie. Now you gonna let me go? The quicker I get some food down me, the quicker I can go out and the quicker I can come back to ya.”

“Not yet.” It’s a little out of the ordinary for Steve to be the one burying his face in Bucky’s chest instead of the other way round. But Bucky finds an odd sense of satisfaction in the way that Steve feels safe enough to allow Bucky to comfort him.

“Alright.” Bucky reaches with his free hand to run it through Steve’s hair, resting his cheek on the top of Steve’s head. “I should be back for lunch time though, so I shouldn’t be gone long.”

Steve just grunts into Bucky’s shoulder, fingers tightening. Shifting so that his hair tickles even more at Bucky’s neck.

Bucky can’t help but smile a little grimly. “If I didn’t have to go, I wouldn’t.” He reassures.

“No, it’s important. You need to go.” Steve sits up, letting go of Bucky and slumping backwards. He looked worn out, with bags under his eyes and a look of a man who looked as though all hope was gone.

Despite this, he still smiles up at Bucky, even if it’s strained and forced looking. “You better go.”

The hour he had had gone quick, so Bucky makes himself stand, dragging his coat and shoes on and puts his journal into his bag along with his phone.

“Text me if you go out okay. And if you need me anyway.” Leaning down, he kisses Steve before straightening up and going to the door. Trying to smile reassuringly. “See you later sugar.”

“Go on jerk.” Steve smiles again, exactly like before. But it’s enough for Bucky to let himself go.

The route there is exactly the same, as is the waiting room and the smile Dr Hill gives him as he walks in.

“James, how are you today?”

“Better than usual. How are you?”

“Fine as always. Now James.” He sits, rummaging around in his bag for his journal to hand over. “Have you had any more fainting spells since our last meeting?”

They always got to the major things first, as Doctor Hill didn’t like beating about the bush.

“No.” Bucky can say it with pride, because he hadn’t.

“And have you had anymore panic attacks?”

“Yeah, and a black out moment.” Bucky could never hide thing from her. “I had it in front of June and Steve, which then led to a large scale attack.” Speaking frankly was the only way he could get through it. But he never felt judged by his therapist, and it had gotten easier as time went by.

“Were you able to come down from it quickly?”

“No, but Steve was there to help me, which helped. It’s all in the book.”

“I know James, but I like hearing it from you.”

She’s continually jotting things down for his file as he talks, but it’s just background noise as he goes through a rundown of meeting Clint and how that brought back memories, but ones he could process as they were not necessarily of the negative kind regarding the war. And he tells her about his nightmares, how some had started involving Steve now too. How he couldn’t tell Steve about that, but maybe he could one day.

“And how are you and Steve? You seem in far higher spirits about the whole thing now than you did at our last meeting.”

“We’re good. We’ve been on a few dates already, officially. But he turned up yesterday, not himself.” Bucky hesitates, unsure of if he should tell Doctor Hill about Steve’s business. But he decides to after thinking it over, as her silence as she waits for his answer is enough to reassure him that the space he's talking in is safe.  “The death of his mother’s anniversary is next week, and he sought me out because we’re soulmates.”

“And are you comfortable with that?”

“Yes.” His solid answer surprises him. But it’s a good surprise. “It’s nice to be able on focus on someone not myself. For once.” He chuckles, rubbing at the back of his neck. “It’s good to be able to be there for someone and know they trust me.”

“Yes, trust is very important, especially with everything that you’ve been through.”

The session doesn’t go on for as long as it usually does. And Bucky knows that it’s because he keeps obsessively looking at the door, and Hill must take pity on him. So Bucky is back just in time for lunch.

And apparently it’s already on the stove, reheated from last night when he walks in.

“You here Steve?” Calling before he even gets in the flat, he kicks his shoes off into the living room, dumping his bag.

“In here.” Steve’s voice is quiet, but it comes from the kitchen so Bucky follows it, finding Steve at the counter with two cups of coffee and the stew getting heated. He’s wearing one of Bucky’s larger hoodies, so that it hangs over his hands and he’s got the hood up too. “Hey.” He still looks downtrodden, and the larger hoodie makes him looks half his normal size.

“You alright darl’?”

Steve doesn’t answer, he just shrugs before practically careering into Bucky, head thumping into Bucky’s chest as he hunches right over, continuing to try and make himself smaller and smaller as Bucky’s arm and wing surround the pair.

“No.” Sounding as small as he looks, Bucky lets go to turn the heat off, covering it over before taking the mugs and leading Steve back to the unmade bed.

Steve climbs in first, sitting against the headboard while Bucky sets their mugs down to climb in after, putting his arm around Steve before passing the drink over, grabbing his own while Steve fusses around with the blanket, tugging it up to their chests.

“Not a good morning?”

“Not a good morning.” Steve confirms, taking a gulp of coffee. “It’s just extra bad today.”

“Which is okay.” Bucky nudges his head against Steve’s own. “It shows you still love her. And it’s normal to miss your mom.”

“I know that, I just hate the fact that she’s gone you know.”

“Which is understandable. She was your mom.” Bucky smiles, a little sadly down at Steve who had started to burrow back into Bucky’s side. Hands warming against the coffee mug.

They’re silent then, Steve ignoring his drink while Bucky finishes his own, using his now warm hands to pet gently at Steve’s hair and wings, running his fingers gently up and down Steve’s arm.

Once it’s evident that Steve’s drifted off, Bucky takes Steve’s half full mug and sets it down next to his own before settling back down. Content to be used as a human pillow for however long Steve needs him.

He amuses himself by continuing to run his hand over Steve’s shoulder and wings, mapping the skin under his fingers as he reaches his fingertips under Steve’s hood to trace the veins on the blonde’s neck.

They must stay there for hours. And Bucky’s happy to do so. It’s quiet, a nice way to settle after a session. Even if he didn’t cry during this one. Having Steve there, even if Steve was down and sleepy, helped.

“Bucky!” Steve jolts awake an hour later, flailing a little “Why’d you let me sleep.” Rubbing at his eyes, Steve shuffles to get up, leaving Bucky in the bed while he stumbles to the toilet. “I’ve slept for too long, you must have been bored stiff.”

“You were only asleep for an hour.” Bucky yawns back, getting up himself, rummaging around in his draws to change into a pair of sweatpants and different t-shirt.

He’s nearly got them over his ass when Steve walks in, still complaining about Bucky letting Steve sleep in late.

“Oh crap sorry.” Steve mutters, and Bucky can hear him clash into the doorway as he backs out of the room.

“No, shit I’m sorry.” Bucky pulls a new t-shirt over his head, as well as a sweatshirt, pulling his thumbs through the chewed out holes in the hem of the sleeves.

“Don’t apologise there’s no reason to. You have a pretty back?” It’s more of a question than a statement, so Bucky realises he must be talking about the lack of clothes rather than the scarring. Even though Bucky wasn’t sure which aspect he was apologising for. Probably both.

“Thanks for complimenting my back.” Bucky manages to scoff instead, smiling afterwards to assure Steve he was joking, before he and Steve are crowding into the living room.

“I might try and get some work done.” Steve decides.

“Alright, I’ll go grab the dinner. You settle in.” Bucky didn’t have any work to do, all the bills had been paid and money sorted so he was free to watch Steve work, which was something he had found he loved to do.

“You do anything this morning?” Calling in, Bucky lights the cooker again to heat the stew up.

“No, just kinda sat.” Bucky can hear Steve’s laptop starting up, long fingers clicking on the keyboard while Bucky bowls up the food.

“Well don’t be doing anything now because you feel guilty about it.” Bucky turns the cooker off, practically burning his fingers on the bowls as he takes them back through. He grabs a book from the book shelf too once he’s put them on the coffee table, sitting next to Steve, pulling the taller’s feet into his lap, as Steve had his back to the couch arm.

Bucky grabs his bowl, tapping Steve’s ankle to make the other man aware too.

“Yeah, I’ll eat in a second.” If Bucky leans back and shifts his weight down a little, he can see Steve’s face while he works, brows furrowed a little behind his glasses. Abandoning his book as a lost cause, Bucky eats and watches, prompting Steve to eat too every now and then by rubbing at Steve’s ankle, causing Steve to grunt and take a few mouthfuls, putting the bowl back once he’s finished.

Steve doesn’t say a word, but he seems to relax when Bucky stops eating to pull his focus into massaging Steve’s feet, hitting a ticklish spot every now and then, causing Steve to huff and squirm, before putting his feet right back into Bucky’s lap.

It’s a quiet evening, and Steve’s clicks get slower as Bucky works his fingers up and down Steve’s legs, making a little noise of protest whenever Bucky stops.

So the evening goes on, with Steve eventually abandoning his work to lie there, head lulled against the couch cushion while Bucky tends to him. Neither say a word, but the actions speak louder than any words could.

That night Steve curls up as close as he possibly can to Bucky, lax and soft as Bucky keeps him close, wing and arms coming around the man protectively.

Bucky doesn’t sleep, because the twitching from Steve is enough to keep him alert and awake enough in case Steve has a nightmare.

Which he does, once. Sweating and crying, nearly rolling from Bucky’s arms, muttering nonsense to himself.

“Here sweetheart, come on. Come back to me.” Bucky lets Steve go, knowing how he hated to be constricted, but he stays close with a hand loose on his arm as slowly, Steve wakes. And Bucky’s ready and holding out Steve’s glasses and hearing aids, given that Steve had been comfortable enough that night to sleep without them.

“What?”

“You were having a nightmare darlin’. Come on now, you want a drink? Some water or tea?” Bucky was in the strong opinion that tea solved everything.

“No, just.” Swallowing, Steve looks up at Bucky “Can we stay here for a bit?”

“Sure we can darl.” Sitting, going back to the semi familiar position of Steve leaning into Bucky while they sat against the headboard “You wanna talk about it?”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

Bucky rubs his hand roughly up and down Steve’s arm to stop the man shaking “Knock yourself out.”

Shuddering, Steve starts “Just, I saw her dying. Watched her again, just lying there. She was cold. So damn cold her lips were blue.” A small, lifeless chuckle “I couldn’t do anything about it. I tried hot water bottles, or turning the heating up so high it felt like a sauna. Or when her fever spiked, cooling everything down and freezing to death myself. Nothing helped.” Steve isn’t crying, but Bucky is quick enough to realise that he may start dry heaving so he shuffles them up quickly, getting them to the bathroom and letting Steve hunch over the toilet.

He doesn’t watch as Steve is sick, out of politeness more than anything. But he rubs his soulmates back and combs through his wings with his fingers. A constant comfort.

“It’s all right Stevie. Come on now.” Coaxing, Bucky gets Steve upright once the man had stopped vomiting to lead him to the sink, running his hands under the cold water to splash over Steve’s face while the man himself just held his mouth open under the tap for a few seconds at a time, gulping and gasping.

“Buck-“

Cringing for Steve at the desperate tone, Bucky pulls his arm around the man “It’s alright now sugar come on.” He wipes his fingers against Steve’s forehead again “You want to puke again?” All Steve offers is a shake of the head, so Bucky takes them into the living room.

There was no point in going back to bed.

It’s much like what they had been doing before except on the couch, with Steve practically cradled in Bucky’s arms.

Bucky sleeps, he must do. Because Steve’s shaking him awake early the next day.

“There’s a delivery guy downstairs.”

“Alright, you want to stay here?”

“No.” Steve shrugs, ruffling his own hands through Bucky’s wing as he stretches and stars downstairs.

“’Sup Bill?” Bill was the regular delivery guy, he was nice. Got everything done quickly.

“Not much Bucky, you not opening today?”

“Nah, personal shit. You know how it is.” He signs for the few boxes of books, aware of Steve lingering in the doorway.

“Don’t I know it.” Bill had been born with white wings. So he knew a thing or two about ‘personal shit’ what with the questions and stares he got on a daily basis, and the abandonment he must have felt. Not being able to have a relationship without people pitying him, or thinking that he was ‘cheating’ on a dead soulmate.

Bucky dumps the boxes on the counter.  “Well you have a good day Bill.”

“You too Bucky, Bucky’s friend.” There’s a lilt to ‘friend’ that makes Bucky smirk, before seeing Bill out, locking up behind the man. It was nice to know that Bill wasn’t one to be bitter.

“You not gonna put everything away?” Steve asks, hand going back to Bucky’s wing.

“Maybe when it’s not seven in the morning.” He leans up to kiss Steve’s forehead before leading them both upstairs. “Come on then, lets get some coffee in us. Another lazy day for us I think.”

“Good.”

The week passes much the same. With quiet days followed by sob filled nights. Steve doesn’t get any work done, and despite picking up many books, Bucky doesn’t get any reading done either.

It takes a lot of effort to get Steve to eat, but bucky quiet cajoling is enough to get Steve to stay alive. He doesn’t shout or get angry like Sam said he might, instead there are points when he’ll talk non-stop. About his mother and memories of her perfume that still live in his nose. About how he tried to help her, or about how she used to look after him. When he had pneumonia, or after his surgery. How they learnt sign language together, before he had his hearing aids.

To try and get closer, Bucky asks to learn too.

So when Steve can, he teaches Bucky the basics. The alphabet, and some key words for the time being. So that Steve won’t feel like he has to wear his hearing aids all the time. And so that they can communicate at night without worrying about Steve needing to set everything up.

Bucky learns more too in that week. About how Steve’s glasses would steam up whenever he buried himself in freshly made coffee in the mornings. Or how grouchy he got if he was tired and hungry. And Bucky finds that he likes waking up to Steve there in the morning. Having Steve spread out on the couch, with his head in Bucky’s lap. Or sitting there with one hand in Bucky’s wing, the other on Bucky’s back. The touch seemed to help, to keep Steve present. Bucky considering working a few times, but because he knew his being in the same room as Steve helped, he didn’t consider it for long.

When the anniversary of Sarah’s death comes around, Steve doesn’t move from the bed all day. And it takes all of Bucky’s persuasion to get him to drink a glass of water every few hours. Steve doesn’t speak a word, but Bucky mutters constantly, talking quietly all the while. When he gets Steve drinks, or curls himself around the man, wing coming over to shield them both. Words of comfort or praise, about how Steve was going to be alright, that Bucky would always take care of him.

It’s enough that Bucky can feel Steve’s heart beat underneath his hand, but it’s also an indicator to when Steve starts to cry at the turn of the evening. Neither men are quite sure when he stops. But all Bucky knows is that Steve cries himself to sleep.

Not letting himself sleep, Bucky stays there all night. Breath syncing with Steve’s until the blonde wakes up, eyes red and crusty, nose stuffed up.

“You awake Buck?” It sounds muffled and bleary, so Bucky’s up immediately to bring the man and tissue and more water, only going to make a drink when Steve sits up and nods at him with a sad smile. “I’m sorry about yesterday.

Calling from the kitchen, Bucky doesn’t have time to rush back in to the bedroom as Steve’s already there, wings limp behind him despite their healthy condition. He hadn’t used them all week. “Don’t you dare.”

“No I am, I get like that.”

“Steve, stop.” Handing over the coffee, Bucky waits as Steve hangs in the doorway. “I understand. You have nothing to apologise for.” He looks at his own coffee “You know I’ll always be here for you.” Looking back up, he stares at Steve and repeats himself “You don’t have to worry about that.” And his voice is still soft. “You want to go sit?”

“No, I uh.” Steve puts a hand to the back of his neck “I kept you away from work too long. That delivery is still there.” He chuckles “I could help you work.”

“You want to go downstairs?” Bucky missed work, he really did. But he wasn’t going to leave Steve on his own. Especially not the day after the anniversary of his mom’s death.

“Yeah.”

“And you’re not?” Bucky can’t find the word, so he wiggles his hand instead, hoping that Steve gets it.

He does and his smile is genuine, even if it’s barely there “Well I am. I’m always going to be like that. But I can’t stew for any longer. I’ve already not been with it for a week.”

“No, Steve. You can’t push yourself.”

“I’m not pushing myself. Ask Sam. The day after the-” He swallows, so Bucky doesn’t make him say the word, instead he nods reassuringly so that Steve can continue “I tried to get straight back to it. I know you have his number now.”

“For your benefit.”

“Yeah for my benefit. But, it’ll take me another couple of days to get back on the horse. But it’s the best for me to try and get back now, even if it’s just sitting downstairs while you work.”

Bucky can’t help but smile. At Steve’s bravery and determination to carry on.

“Okay, but you can’t push yourself.” Steve still looked sad around the eyes, and his wings were still dropped and limp, but his willingness pushed him out of the door and down the stairs, plucking Bucky’s coffee from him so that Bucky could go and get changed into jeans rather than sweatpants. For the customer’s sake.

“I’ll go put the lights on downstairs.”

Bucky doesn’t bother showering, just changes his underwear and puts a new pair of jeans on. Steve was wearing Bucky’s sweats and a t-shirt, so he could be scruffy enough for the both of them.

By the time Bucky gets downstairs, Steve had pulled a stool behind the counter for him, and had the coffee set down while he tried to open the four boxes.

“Leave them Stevie come on. You’re going to rest today. Sit. Drink.”

“And be merry?”

“Be sleepy.” Bucky amends before turning the large coffee machine on, hearing it sputter to life while he opens the shop doors, taking down the sign he had been able to put up.

-Closed for family reasons, sorry for the inconvenience-

Instead swapping it up for the ‘Open’ sign. The unlocked door and bright lights feel good, safe.

“You got any new books?” Steve asks, holding out Bucky’s coffee.

“Nah, just needed to re-stock popular titles.” Bucky takes his coffee with him as he goes, putting any extra stock back into the boxes as he files the books way on the shelves.

It’s quick work as it wasn’t a large delivery, and the books non needed are quickly put away in the back so Bucky can sit, shoulders rubbing with Steve while the man flicks through something he had picked up. Bucky doesn’t even try to read yet, it’s too early for him, so instead he sits there, happy to be sitting there with Steve.

“I’m really grateful for you, you know.” Steve says, and the admittance is enough for Bucky to cough up his mouthful of coffee. It wasn’t something Bucky was used to hearing.

“Come again?” Steve’s hands are back against Bucky’s back, rubbing up and down gently, as he adopts his usual soothing tone of voice.

“I’m really grateful for you. You’ve understood me this week, and I know they’re my friends, but you understood me more than Sam or Nat or Clint did in that situation. They fuss too much, but you just comforted me instead.” He leans to kiss the side of Bucky’s head, but Bucky turns instead so that he can lean up and kiss Steve properly.

It’s long and slow, tasting of coffee and affection. Steve’s hand immediately comes to rest on Bucky’s face, small sound in the back of throat prompting Bucky to take the kiss that little bit deeper, in no hurry as he bites down on Steve’s lip. It’ quiet and gentle, mimicking Steve’s personality as he slowly takes over, hand moving to grip Bucky’s neck and lean him back slightly, running his tongue over Bucky’s, that paired with Steve’s thumb slowly rubbing against Bucky’s skin causes Bucky’s breath to hitch, forcing him to break away and lean his head in the crook of Steve’s shoulder.

“I think, maybe I’m falling in love you.” The whispered confession bounces around Bucky’s head, and it’s all he can do to reach back up and clutch at Steve for fear of falling off his chair.

He doesn’t know what he’s going to say when he pulls away and opens his mouth, but the door opens just as he’s about to speak.

What comes out instead “Hi, welcome Winifred’s how may I help you?” It’s June, and she’s grinning like a cat that’s got the cream as she walks in.

“I’de like a coffee please James, I’ve got the morning paper I want to read through. How are you doing Steve?”

“Good, ma’am.” Steve coughs, and his blush is red enough that he seems to glow with it.

“Coming right up June.” Bucky mutters, nearly falling from his chair for real as he stumbles to make her the black coffee, falling back on the training he received when he worked for a coffee chain in his teens.

“Oh I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?” She can’t have heard them but they had forgotten about the glass windows. The damn glass windows.

“No, nothing at all.” Steve mutters, and Bucky takes pity on him, stepping over and grabbing his empty mug, kissing the side of his head.

He makes them all coffee, going back to sit next back to Steve, kicking their legs together while June chatters, reading parts of the paper aloud. Steve never looks back over at Bucky, and the red never leaves the back of his neck. But Bucky can’t stop smiling.

Not when the snot nosed kid comes in to drag their parents round only to leave after spilling a drink, or the grouchy old man who shouts at Bucky for not having the book he wanted until Steve nearly hits him over the head, backed up by June who had been hanging around all day.

“You gonna stay here tonight?” Bucky asks as he closes up, Steve barely having looked at him all day.

“If you don’t mind?” Steve still isn’t looking at him as he traipses up the stairs.

“Now why would I mind Stevie?” Bucky chuckles, turning to Steve to face him in the warmth of the kitchen.

“Because of what I said.” Steve’s still muttering, looking down at his feet.

“That maybe you love me?” He sounds far more confident than he feels.

“Yeah.” And Steve barely sounds like anything at all.

“Well,” He can’t bring himself to say he loves Steve yet, but he could, and he was on his way there “Maybe I like you too.” He tilts Steve’s chin up so that the blonde can smile just before Bucky leans in to kiss him again.

And again. And again. Before Bucky’s got Steve sitting on the couch, Bucky planted firmly in his lap.

They don’t take it anywhere. And slowly the frantic note their kissing had takes a different turn so that they’re just sitting there, lazily moving their mouths against one another. Bucky takes a break occasionally to kiss down Steve’s neck, finding a ticklish spot near Steve’s clavicle that gets the man giggling for the first time in a few days.

It’s nice to have Steve there, breathing and smiling under him. The man’s hands running over Bucky’s wings and back. Bucky’s hands on Steve’s shoulders.

“We should eat.” Steve finally pulls away, pushing Bucky up “I’m starving.”

“Good.” Bucky had worried after Steve wouldn’t eat yesterday “You want to order in? We could get Chinese? Or Pizza? Have a carpet picnic?”

“A carpet picnic?” Steve questions as Bucky goes to find the menus.

“You’ve never had a carpet picnic before?” Bucky gasps, handing Steve the menus after hauling them from one of the kitchen drawers.

“Evidently not.”

“It’s like a normal picnic. Except you have it indoors with cushions and tv on the floor with a blanket.” Bucky hadn’t had one in years, but he used to have them all the time as a kid when it was stormy out. “They’re great.”

“That does sound great.”

“Only one step down from a blanket fort.”

“Bucky Barnes are you secretly a giant child?” Steve sounds a little shocked as he laughs, and it’s a good sound to hear as Bucky picks up one of the fliers.

“Guilty as charged.” Bucky waves the menu at Steve who nods. “Chinese?”

“Chinese.”

“Alright what you thinking? I kinda want chow mein.”

“Maybe won ton soup? And dumplings?”

“Alright, I’ll order that if you want to get a blanket and some cushions? Stuff’s in the airing cupboard.”

“Cool.” Bucky goes to order, getting through to the Chinese place across town that did the best dumplings he could think of. Only the best for his Stevie.

Steve’s set everything up by the time he’s done. “Should be here in forty. Stay here a second.”

Bucky had an idea. Searching around the cupboards, and not finding what he wants. He goes digging in his drawers until he finds what he needs under the kitchen sink, then he goes back into the living room where Steve was still perched on one of the two cushions from the couch. All after getting changed into some sweats.

“What are you doing Buck?”

“We gotta have candles right?” He produces the tea lights and matches from his pocket, grinning a little childishly. He never realised he would like taking care of someone. Even if it meant just making them grin a little wider than average and give their eyes a bit more sparkle than usual.

“You old romantic.” Bucky shrugs as he lights a few candles either side of them in the middle.

“You gonna keep telling me things that I am?” Bucky cocks an eyebrow before pulling a pack of cards from his pocket.  “Now you want to play Spit?”

“Oh you should not have asked me that. As a kid, card games were my thing. You’re getting your ass beat Barnes.” There’s another childish look of delight on his face, and Bucky knew he was making the right choice.

“We’ll see about that Stevie.” Bucky postures a little jokingly before starting to deal.

Steve plays dirty and mean, distracting Bucky rom looking at the cards by batting his eyes, or starting to stare off behind Bucky so that he turns round and Steve can then put down most of his cards in quick succession, leaving Bucky in the dust.

He’s constantly laughing, eyes dancing as he beats Bucky into the ground, large hands deft as he deals round after round, completely different compared to Bucky’s own, which while once fast, had slowed due to damaged tissue, and getting lost watching Steve. Steve had this habit, just a small one, of wiggling slightly once he’d won. Trying not to gloat about his win, so instead looking like an excited child. And his wings had finally started coming back to life, jittering behind him as he wiggled. Bringing more attention to the gold as the candlelight bounced from it.

Bucky’s about to win his second of five rounds when the doorbell downstairs goes, leaving Bucky distracted and Steve able to win.

“Go and get our food then.” Steve’s smirking, dealing the cards out again.

“Whatever, you punk.” Shaking his head, hiding his smile, Bucky goes down to pay the guy and collect the food.

Steve’s set the cards aside in their respective piles as he awaits Bucky’s turn, still smiling softly as Bucky sets the bags down and disappears to get forks.

“I guess you really did beat me huh? I don’t know if I want to keep playing.” Steve starts to divide the boxes up as Bucky talks, handing over one of the forks.

“You saying you want to give up?” They’re eating straight from the boxes, candles flickering as Bucky had turned the main light off, only leaving a lamp and the candles.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. What I’m also saying is that we need to curl up and eat while I educate your ass.”

“In what?”

“You told me the other day you’ve never seen the X-Files, I plan to change that.” It was Bucky’s turn to look smug as Steve groaned.

“Bucky no, I’m not interested in conspiracy stuff.”

“This isn’t conspiracy stuff, come on. Give it a chance.” He turns what he hopes is doe eyes at Steve, pouting with a mouthful of his dinner, head tilted as he looks.

“Oh my gosh fine you dork, I’m assuming you’ve got the box set?”

“You bet. Come on, I’ll grab it, you shove everything by the couch, be careful with the candles.”

“Of course I’ll be careful with the candles.” Bucky’s up and back in a minute, helping Steve shift everything so they can rest against the couch while they eat, before he puts the first DVD on.

“You’re going to love it, I promise.” Bucky had been binging box sets since he came back, and the X-Files was once of his favourites.

“If you say so.”

Six episodes later, a finished dinner and a shift to the couch had them both sitting with rapt attention.

Bucky was snuggled under Steve’s arm, both sharing the blanket as they watched. Bucky kept looking up at Steve’s face to watch his reaction to what was going on. He’d seen each episode so many times that he was able to watch Steve the majority of the time and still be able to follow the story.

The credits play, and Bucky reaches for the remote to pause the episode before the next one starts.

“You know, we haven’t known each other that long.” He starts.

“A month and a bit.” Steve chime in.

“Yeah, and maybe it’s a little forward. But maybe I’m starting to fall for you too. I mean, maybe it’s true about what they say about soulmates.” His hands wander to Steve’s wings, reaching up to brush them. “About how its love and first sight. About how you just know, when you’ve got them there with you.” He swallows “I feel safe with you, and you’ve been so patient with me. You hear those stories of soulmates who get hitched right away, and you never even suggested it, I don’t even think you thought of it. Because you’re good like that. I don’t deserve you. And yet, you stick with me. You’ve stayed despite the shit I’ve put you through. So yeah, I guess I’m falling for you too.” He buries his face in Steve’s side as Steve tightens his arm around Bucky.

“Sweetheart, look at me now come on.” Steve shuffles Bucky so that he has to look. And what he sees is the most adoring Steve has ever looked. “I’m so glad we found each other, and I know you. You have never put me through shit, and if you count having attacks as ‘shit’” the air quotes are obvious “Then I’ve put you through hell. You don’t have to explain yourself to me sweetheart, and you deserve far more than I can provide, but you still put up with me.” He reaches around Bucky, linking his fingers together at Bucky’s hip “And yeah, maybe we’ve gone a little quick. But do you know what happened with Clint and Natasha? She beat him up when they met and the second day they were all over each other.  Both as cringey as each other.” The quiet laughter that follows is gentle and kind “We’ve gone at our pace, and that pace is right for us. You giant dork.” He’s kissing Bucky’s head, his hair and his face, making smacking sounds as he gets quicker and quicker, degenerating into practically licking Bucky who pushes away, laughing loudly, practically howling. “I’m falling for you too sweetheart, don’t you worry.”

“Shut the fuck up darl’.” Bucky laughs again, sides hurting a little before he’s dragging Steve into another kiss. Wings fluttering gently against one another, feathers blending together and seeming to move in sync, just like soulmates should.


End file.
